


fast lives stuck in the undertow

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 04:20:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3313691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Decisions involving intimacy can change relationships; confessions made after the rush of the stage and the consumption of alcohol can be life-altering; misunderstandings can be catastrophic.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Or, after their OTRA tour, One Direction goes on a month-long retreat to try and save the band, their friendships and- at the end of it all- themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fast lives stuck in the undertow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AppleScruff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleScruff/gifts).



> Based on the prompt: _the boys get marooned on a desert island. Their relationship changes._ It’s not… _exactly_ that story but I hope you still love it!
> 
> This story is impossibly long despite an uncooperative ‘a’ button, a laptop that’s about to croak at any moment and my complete lack of regard for actual geography or fact-based marooning. Instead, a lot of hand-waving happened and I tried to describe the pretty scenery to distract you from that. Oops.
> 
> I picked the Bahamas since I’ve been there before, thinking that’d make it easier, but it turns out I returned with hardly enough pictures, a t-shirt and a just touch of alcohol poisoning.
> 
> Title from Boys Like Girls’ _Five Minutes to Midnight_
> 
> Ever-lasting thanks to my beta Kate and my volunteer brit-picker [ Emma](http://struckbyniall.tumblr.com/) without whom I would have never finished. Any remaining mistakes are my own, I can never resist tweaking things until the end.

**~*~**                       

Decisions involving intimacy can change relationships; confessions made after the rush of the stage and the consumption of alcohol can be life-altering; misunderstandings can be catastrophic.

 

**~*~**

The idea for the boys to write their fifth album in seclusion is hatched near the end of their On the Road Again Tour. The tension between the boys during the O2 shows is obvious to the mums, and as soon as they kiss their sons goodbye and send them off to Glasgow, they descend upon Jay’s kitchen, gathering around the worktop with teas and coffees in hand.

The discussion is quite involved, all of the women offering solutions to the problem at hand. The hang-up in their discussion, the largest hurdle they can’t overcome, is their complete lack of knowledge as to what originally caused the rift between their sons, who had seemed a solid unit at the end of the U.S. leg of the tour.

“Zayn hasn’t said much about it,” Trisha says. “But he hasn’t been acting himself.”

“Harry’s been in a right state,” Anne offers. “When we visited him in Boston, things seemed really great with him, Robin even commented on how happy he looked. But then the other boys flew back home the next day and he went to LA and didn’t answer my calls. I didn’t even know when his flight came in; he had Nick collect him.”

Jay sets her tea down and looks around the room. “When the kids were younger, especially Lottie and Fizz, they used to fight all the time. They’d get really nasty, pinching and pulling hair. I’d be so fed up, especially when the twins started copying them. I would yell and put them in time-outs, but they would revert back to it as soon as they were done. So I started forcing them to do things together: cleaning the shed or organizing the cellar. They got over their spat and I got some peace.”

“We can’t exactly hand them a list of chores,” Anne says kindly, her face contemplative.

“We can disguise it, though,” Karen contradicts. They all turn and look to her in unison. “They need to work on the album. What if we can make them work on it alone?”

Maura is the first one to get it. “Like… in seclusion?”

Karen nods. “Exactly like seclusion! If we can get them alone and focused on what brought them together in the first place, maybe the issue will resolve itself.”

“So we convince them to go on some kind of album-writing retreat à la Thoreau?” Maura clarifies, looking intrigued but worried as well.

Trisha frowns before adding, “I don’t know how we’re going to do it, but that would work so well. Zayn has always been great at avoiding confrontation. I love him, but he’s pig-headed. He needs to be forced into a situation before he’ll work towards a solution.”

They fall silent as they think, Anne assisting Jay as she pulls out biscuits and tops off drinks. They eat quietly, one or another of them often pausing and opening their mouths as if to speak but then apparently changing their minds and remaining silent.

“I think we need to just play the ‘mum card’,” Anne finally states, wiping off her hands. “Harry will put up a fight, I think, but if I use that, I think I can make it happen.”

“If they don’t want to go along with the idea at first, we’ll pull that out then?” Maura asks the women at large. They shrug and nod and, like that, a plan is formed.

 

**Niall**

Louis and Harry are hardly speaking by the time the boys arrive in Birmingham and Liam and Zayn are well on their way to complete silence as well. Niall is growing frustrated with his bandmates, sick of the constant need to bite his tongue around them and missing their nights out together.

He’s bumming around his hotel room, bored and lonely, when his phone rings. Bressie’s face flashes across the screen and he picks it up with a smile. Bressie is one of Niall’s absolute favourite people, and no one can distract him from going mad better.

“Brez, hey,” he says into his phone when he slides to accept the call.

“How’re things, Chief?”

Bressie’s voice sounds strange and stilted, and Niall frowns at the phone. “Did mam call?”

He can hear the sigh through the phone clearly, a rush of breath and a small chuckle. “Yeah, Maura called. Says you an’ your boys have been having some problems.”

Niall groans and lies down on the sofa, burying his face in the cushion for a moment. Bressie laughs again at him. “She’s just worried, Niall. You’re her baby boy,” he teases.

“Shut up, meathead,” Niall bites out half-heartedly.

“Serious, mate, how’re your boys doing? Something happen?”

Niall releases a breath of his own, shifting until his back is to the cushions and the arm not holding the phone to his ear can hang off the edge, brushing along the plush hotel rug. He’s quiet for so long that anyone else but Bressie would’ve repeated the question or pushed further, but there’s just encouraging silence.

“Something happened,” he finally states. “Something happened and I can’t talk about it with anyone but the lads and the lads are the people who want to talk about it the least.”

Bressie makes a considering noise on the other end, somewhere between a grunt and a hum, and Niall feels a weight lift from his chest by just being able to acknowledge there is a problem.

“Can’t talk to yer mam?”

“Especially not. I don’t think it’s something anyone would get unless they’re one of us.” After a beat, he rushes out, “no offence, mate, you know I’d tell you if I could. It’s just-“

“Band business, I get it,” Bressie reassures. “I completely understand. Just know I’m here if you need, yeah? Can’t have my namesake goin’ mad on me, there should be more Niall’s in the world.”

He can’t help the laugh that pulls from his chest, always so easy to talk with Bressie.

“Yea, Bressie, I know.”

“Your mum’s had an idea about something ta do with yer lads, ring her when we’re off?”

“Yea, okay,” Niall agrees. His curiosity is peaked. “Tell me about Roz then; what’re you two training for now?”

He listens as Bressie launches into the workout routine they’re following for their next 10k and makes sure to end their call with his usual cheerfulness. “Make sure you tell Roz I said she’s too good for ye.”

“Yea, yea I will. Love you, kid. See you in Dublin in a few days.”

“You’re gonna be around for the show?”

“Are you kidding me? The prodigal son returns, I wouldn’t miss it, Chief. Call your mum, ta.”

“Ta to you too, love you,” Niall answers as he hangs up. He smiles up at the ceiling, momentarily distracted by his phone call. The issue with his boys will sort itself out, it always has before. He swipes his thumb along his phone screen until his mum’s name comes up and he hits the dial button, settling in for a long talk.

 

**Liam**

Liam knows something is up with his mum as soon as he steps into their house, the smell of lemon bars sharp in the air. Karen only makes lemon bars when she’s scheming, and he steels his resolve, determined to resist what he can only assume is a plot to get the boys back to normal.

“Mum?” he calls out, making his way into the house. His father comes in from the living area and wraps him in a hug.

“Just staying the night?” he asks, pulling back from Liam and clapping his hands on Liam’s upper arms, rubbing softly. His father’s touch only solidifies Liam’s knowledge of the upcoming battle he’ll be fighting with him mum. Geoff only soothes him when he knows he isn’t going to like what he hears.

“Yeah, we’re flying out to Dublin tomorrow. Then Belfast, Newcastle and finish up in Sheffield. I’ll probably come stay with you guys a couple days then, too. I don’t really like my flat since, you know,” he shrugs, the _since Sophia left_ hanging unsaid in the air.

“I’ve got another idea,” Karen says as she walks out from the kitchen, going to hug Liam. She pushes her glasses up absentmindedly after she pulls back, looking him up and down. “My lovely boy,” she says, eyes going misty as she reaches for another hug.

“Mum, you don’t have to cry every time I see you,” he grumbles, secretly pleased all the same when he wraps his arms around her back and pulls her in close. He’s always loved his mum’s hugs, and could use an infinite amount now after the past few weeks.

He pushes away the thoughts swirling through his mind of dark eyes and pink mouths, desperate to forget for just a moment what’s been haunting him since the night after their last US show. He rubs his cheek against his mum’s shoulder before pulling back.

“Okay, miss: out with it.”

Karen is evasive, turning back towards the kitchen and walking away. Liam follows with determination, Geoff falling into place behind him. He pulls up a stool as his mum fusses with the kettle, setting out tea mugs for them and keeping her back turned as much as possible. Liam drums his fingers against the counter, never one for patience when elephants are standing in the middle of the room but also knowing that no one will make him mum speak before she feels she is ready.

Geoff places his hand comfortingly on top of Liam’s, stilling their erratic beat. “It’s okay, son,” he grunts out. “Nothing ta worry about, your mum and I are just going to talk to you for a bit, yeah?”

Liam rolls his eyes fondly, and sets his palm flat on the table. Finally, his mum finishes the teas and sets a mug in front of both him and his dad. She motions for him to take a sip before she begins to speak.

“Your father and I have noticed... a _change_ between you boys recently.”

Liam’s never before had his face flame and his blood run cold at the same time, but he honestly couldn’t pick one feeling over another at those words. His gut feels heavy and he takes a larger sip of his sweetened tea, focusing on the burn as he swallows instead of the memories flashing through his mind again.

His mother’s sniffles bring him back to the conversation and he immediately feels guilt, setting down his mug and circling the worktop to reach her. He pulls her into another hug and lets her reach between them to wipe her eyes under her glasses. “Mum, I love you, but you don’t need to worry about me and the lads. We’ll get through it,” he assures her.

“I don’t know, we’re all so concerned.”

He pulls back slightly, keeping her in his arms but looking her in the eyes with a smile on his face. “You’ve been plotting with the other mums?”

She manages to look slightly defiant and soft at the same time and Liam feels his heart swell with pride. He loves his mum so much and knows he’s her baby: he’s always been and he always will be, and anything she suggests right now he will probably agree to. Disappointing his mum has never been an option for him.

“What’s the decision?” he asks, resigned to his fate and trying to smile. She smiles back and sets about slicing up lemon bars for the three of them.

He sits on his stool again next to his dad, and listens to his mum spell out the plan. It’s simplistic and naively hopeful, but he thinks it could be worth a shot.

 

**Zayn**

Zayn calls his mum from his hotel room as soon as he gets in, knowing her message she’d left while he was in the air could wait till morning but needing something to distract him from the leaden feeling in his gut that appears every time Liam or Louis avoid his gaze.

“Hello, love.”

She answers the phone the same way every time Zayn calls, and he feels an ounce of his worry lift with each word, knowing he could never be truly down when his mum is still there with him.

“Hi, mum. How’re the girls?”

“We’re all good, sunshine, don’t you worry. Safaa’s brought a new friend over the other night, a pretty girl who doesn’t like your band. It was the funniest night we’ve had in a while. I think Safaa’s done with the hero worship her big brother gets.”

Zayn tries to chuckle but knows it comes out forced. “Miss you, mum,” he breathes instead.

“Miss you, too, _beta_. Every day, you know that. So proud of you, always.”

“I think this might be our last tour,” he admits before he realizes what he’s saying. He’s never spoken the words aloud, has barely even faced the thought head-on, but it suddenly hits him how _real_ the possibility is.

Her sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line shows he isn’t the only one surprised, but the silence after is heavy and thick. Finally, he hears a sigh from her and can just barely make out the sound of her walking down a hallway, her footsteps a faint rhythm through the receiver. She doesn’t speak until after he’s heard the squeak of the sofa, can picture her curled into her favorite side, feet tucked underneath her the way she always is when they have important discussions.

“Zayn, you know I love you no matter what,” she begins, not even a question because he _knows_ , has always known, “and if you come home _tomorrow_ and tell me you don’t want to finish tour or ever sing again, I’ll support you if I feel that it is truly what you want.”

He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, tongue caught between his teeth and chapped skin as he waits for her to continue.

“But I _don’t_ think that is really what you want right now,” she finishes.

He opens his mouth to say something- _what_ , he doesn’t know- when she begins to speak again.

“I know it’s easy to think me and the other mums are biased toward our own sons, but we want what is best for the band as a whole also. I was at Karen’s the other day with the mums and we’ve had an idea.”

Zayn plops backwards onto his bed, bouncing slightly but keeping the phone to his ear. He kicks his shoes off haphazardly and inches back until he’s propped up by pillows. “I dunno what Liam’s tol’ Karen, but this isn’t summat can be fixed, _ammi_ ,” he mumbles, worrying his lip harder between his teeth.

“He hasn’t said anything, none of you boys have. I wish you would tell me but I know that you don’t want to and I won’t force it out of ya. But I think we came up with a good idea to get you boys working as a unit again, and if it doesn’t work you can take whatever path you choose, sunshine.”

“I don’t wan’ ta work it out!” he snaps, his voice loud and insistent.

Trisha is silent on the other end, but Zayn immediately feels horrible, his stomach clenched tightly.

“ _Ammi_ , I’m sorry,” he tries. Her breath is quiet on the line but he pushes forward. “Mum, I didn’t mean ta snap but I just can’t… it isn’t jus’ a _phase_ or a fight we had. The five of us are just… ready for something different, I think.”

“I just don’t want to see you regret not trying, Zayn,” she says into the phone, her voice barely above a whisper. “I know how close you’ve grown to these boys and I know you won’t tell me what happened. But whatever it was, it isn’t worth not trying. It can’t be. These boys are your family, _beta_. And families try until the end, no matter what.”

Zayn pulls the phone from his ear and slides a pillow over his face, pushing it against his mouth as he half-shouts out a groan. He takes several deep breaths before putting the phone back to his ear.

“What’s yer idea, then?” he asks.

 

**Louis**

The nightmares are the worst part for Louis: twisted half-images of hands brushing his stomach and curls tickling his thighs. He wakes up covered in sweat with ghost feelings of being stretched and sucked within an inch of his life, his pants always tented obscenely. After every dream, he tries to go back to sleep, ignoring the ache in his groin and clenching his fists and eyes against tears that threaten to spill.

After one particularly vivid dream, he wakes with a cold feeling of dread in his stomach. He gets up and takes an ice cold shower until he’s soft again, a feat that could be made easier if he could just let go of the memories. He starts every day off since Boston in the same way, made easier by the fact that they no longer are forced to share hotel rooms, instead having single units that aid his voluntary solitude perfectly.

He’s just pulling on joggers and a soft jumper when there’s a knock on his room door. He shuffles forward and opens it to find Niall standing there, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. He moves back, allowing him to come in without a word.

“Have ya talked to Jay this morning?” he asks.

Louis has learned over the years that Niall is being sensible most of the time when he asks what seem to be strange questions, so Louis doesn’t even bother asking why he needs to know. “Not yet, phone’s probably dead,” he answers truthfully, moving to his bedside table and checking his mobile. Yep, dead. He pulls his charger out of his bag and hooks it to the phone and wall, asking while he does so, “Why, what’s going on?”

He has a moment of sheer panic- horrible scenarios where someone’s been hurt- before he takes in Niall’s calm and open demeanor and brushes the thought aside.

Niall notices though, he always does, and he makes an aborted attempt to pull Louis towards him before he thinks better of it and steps back. “Didn’t mean to worry you, Lou,” he assures. “Everyone’s okay, but the mums have had an idea.”

“What’s the idea?” he asks.

“About the band. About getting us back on track. Call Jay and come find me room, okay? I’ve already talked to Liam and he agrees, too. Just- give the idea a chance, yeah? Think it might work.”

Louis has never been more confused but his interest is piqued. He nods and lets Niall see himself out, turning back to his phone. He turns it on and lets it continue to charge as he cleans up the room, readying his suitcase for their flight to Dublin leaving soon. When his phone battery shows a hair width worth of charge, he presses his mum’s contact icon and relaxes on the bed, ready to hear her idea but knowing he’ll go along with it. Jay and Liam are both vouching for it, and there’s no one in the world Louis trusts more than them.

 

**Harry**

Harry comes out into the hallway as Niall’s leaving Louis’ room, and he busies himself with his bags so he doesn’t have to think about what had been happening behind the door. Niall doesn’t let himself be ignored though, practically buzzing when he shoves himself into Harry’s space and claps a hand on his shoulder.

“Mornin’, Hazza,” he offers, smiling bright and wide. Harry can see where the smile is forced, can see where it doesn’t quite reach out as far as it can, but knows it’s sincere still. Everything Niall does is painfully sincere.

“Morning, Nialler,” he croaks, hefting one of his bags onto his shoulder when Niall’s hand falls away. “Ready for the flight?”

Niall nods and rocks back onto his heels before settling forward again. “My blood knows‘s about to be in Ireland again,” he laughs.

Harry nods and shifts his focus to Louis’ closed door, unable to forget Niall walking out of it moments before. Niall notices his gaze and smiles softly. “You can always go chat with him, you know. He’d like to talk to you, I think.”

“We’ve said enough,” Harry says, grabbing his second bag and making to move past Niall towards the lifts.

“Have you talked to yer mum recently?” Niall questions, forcing Harry to turn back and face him.

“No,” he says simply, eyebrows rising in question.

“Give her a call, yea? Mam said Anne had something to talk to you about and to pass on the message.”

Harry nods, confused, but slides his phone out of his pocket. There’s no missed calls, but his last message from Anne does say to call when he can. He smiles soft at Niall and thanks him, setting off again for the lift and keeping his phone out. They’ll be in the airport terminal for quite some time before their flight; he’ll call her while he’s waiting for the other boys.

 

**Niall**

Niall’s on _fire_ in Dublin and the other boys are banded together for him. Their shows, while not completely tension-free, are their best since Boston and Niall feels optimistically buoyed by the plan their mums cooked up. Harry and Louis still don’t really interact, but he sees when Liam wraps his arm around Zayn’s waist during Steal My Girl and Zayn smiles softly. They all chase Niall around the stage and try to trip him up during his solos by pulling faces or whispering vulgar things in his ear, but he’s on cloud nine and in the zone, his voice strong and perfect.

After each show, they pile into a van and go back to the hotels, showering and dressing before making their way to a pub of Niall’s choosing. Louis will cuddle up next to Zayn and Liam and Harry will talk about whatever they can think of, and it isn’t perfect and there are still rough edges, but Niall thinks everything is going to be okay.

He continues to think so until they finish their second show in Belfast and Zayn shouts at Liam for ten minutes in the dressing room about something he did during the encore that Liam can’t remember. Louis jumps to Liam’s defence without prompting, causing Harry to side with Zayn and snap at Louis.

Louis opens his mouth to continue arguing but Niall steps forward, suddenly furious. “That’s enough,” he snaps, his hands fisted by his side. They close their mouths and turn to stare at him, his slow-to-peak but still fierce temper making a rare appearance and startling them as it typically does.

He takes a breath and tries to be diplomatic when he continues. “I appreciate you guys putting in an effort special in Dublin, but I can’t believe it’s so hard to put in the same amount for the rest of the tour. There’s seven shows an’ ten days left, and then we hop on a plane and sort some things out. So ‘til that plane takes off, I’m establishing a Bickering Ban. Keep your mouths shut if ya can’t get along for the next week and a half.”

They all look pacified by Niall’s outburst and mutter their agreements before getting ready to leave the venue.

 

**~*~**

The last concerts are attended by their families as is typical every year. The mums are often found grouped together backstage, trying to stay out of anyone’s way as they watch their sons, feeling overwhelming sadness at the obvious tension between the boys. The five of them can hardly stand each other and the tabloids are quick to pick up on the rift and announce a band break up. The rumors are so strong and the strain is so evident that even some of the most die-hard fans begin to have their doubts.

The mums hope desperately that their plan works. It’s their last chance.

 

**Zayn**

After a fortnight spent at home with their families and friends, the boys board a commercial red eye from London to New York. They’re able to get onto the plane without notice but observant passengers see them within minutes of being seated, most likely tweeting and instagraming pictures. Zayn tries to keep his face passive, keep the scowl off his face and focus on the book he’s reading. No fans try to approach, most likely nervous after the break up rumors and lack of a fifth album announcement. The air around their rows is tense, Niall listening to his ear buds on the aisle next to Liam, who is napping and who let Louis take the window seat. Behind them, Harry is staring at the back of Louis’ seat mindlessly, obviously in a daze, and Zayn is trying to avoid looking at anyone, rereading the same lines for minutes at a time without retention.

During their three hour layover in New York, they leave JFK airport amongst a veritable _sea_ of fans, none of them speaking or even really acknowledging the press of bodies against them. They wait an hour, grabbing a bite to eat from a drive thru, before sneaking back into the airport undetected to board a private flight to Florida. While the secrecy is important to keep their ultimate location from leaking, their entire team is clearly stressed from the sixteen hours of travelling and ten hours of air time once they land in Nassau and the boys keep their bickering to themselves.

Zayn sits next to Louis for the quick hour flight to New Providence, the smaller lad’s heavy head settling on Zayn’s shoulder moments after the flight takes off. He tries to be annoyed, tries to remember Louis brushing them off after Boston, but he looks at the way his eyelashes fan his cheekbones and he finds it hard to feel anything but fond. Only the notice they are about to land convinces Zayn to wake him, his hand warm on Louis’ arm and shaking gently to rouse the boy. Louis’ eyes are bright as he blinks them open, his expression unguarded for a brief moment as he focuses on Zayn’s face.

He tries desperately to read the look, frustrated with how quickly he’s lost the ability to understand someone with whom he had clicked from the start. The indecipherable look is gone as quickly as it had appeared, Louis pulling away with a muttered ‘ _I’m sorry’_ as he shifts in his seat to stare out the window.

Zayn leans in over Louis’ shoulder, letting his chin brush Louis’ jaw slightly as he looks out over the black tarmac running the length of a long, thin peninsula, turquoise blue water stretching past the beach as far as they can see. He can hear Louis’ inhale when he must realize their proximity and takes one long breath himself, breathing in the scent combination of day old deodorant, stale airport air and something spicy from the food he and Niall had split in New York.

He pulls back too slowly as the plane descends, ignoring the confused expression on Louis’ face. He tries to tell himself he isn’t teasing Louis but isn’t very convincing.

Because messing Louis about is the same as messing himself about, and Zayn has always been so good at that.

 

**Liam**

After almost a full day of travel, Liam is excited to finally be approaching Musha Cay. The ferry they’re on had been delayed by almost an hour, and he’s eager to finally be on the water. Every minute spent on a tourist-filled island is a minute begging for a fan to spot them and leak their location, and the most important part of this plan is that they go undetected while they try to salvage what is left of their band or friendships. Even their possibly doomed-to-fail trip has the slightest chance of working, and Liam will travel to the ends of the very earth to find a way to carry on with his boys. The three-and-a-half weeks they’re spending together will either make or break them.

Their boat pulls alongside the Cay’s dock, a group of three waiting for them with smiles on their faces. They each gather their own bags, but not before Louis tries to pawn his off on almost everyone. Liam thinks he sees Harry’s arm stretch forward as if to take them before he clenches his fist and puts his arm to his side. Liam catches Zayn’s eye almost by habit, rolling their eyes at the two of them. The next second, it’s like Zayn remembers that they too are not talking, and he gives a soft smile before turning away from Liam, leading the boys off the boat and down to their welcome party.

Louis shoulders his own bag with a (mostly) fake groan at the weight, stomping down the ramp to the dock and coming to rest beside Zayn, shoving into his space when he allows it. Liam’s eyebrows rise at their proximity, knowing they had been wrapped around each other on the plane but having attributed that to their near exhaustion. Now, both seem to be radiating with energy and are still pressed against each other, Zayn’s hand moving to hook his fingers under Louis’ t-shirt.

Liam sees Niall look twice as well but can’t catch his eye to read his expression. The last three of them all file off the boat one at a time, coming to stand together in front of three islanders.

They are first introduced to Anissa, who is their housekeeper for the duration of their stay. She tells them in broken English and no uncertain terms that she is not a baby sitter and is only expected to tidy up and restock necessities, not tolerate a rock star-style trashed living area. They smile and shake her hand, promising to be on their best behaviour. Daniel is their chef and Anissa’s husband, explaining to the boys that his job mainly consists of providing the groceries for their meals unless they would like them prepared as well. He tells them their itinerary had not stated whether or not meals would be made by himself or by them, but that he has made himself available if needed. Ba is the last to speak, explaining to them in slightly accented speech that he is the chief of their island security detail and is mainly responsible to organizing their outings in a way that will not be seen by fans or other tourists, as well as keeping an eye on the staff.

Liam likes Ba immediately, seeing a lot of Paul’s traits in the older man. He smiles warmly at all of them and speaks on behalf of the other boys when he thanks them for welcoming their motley crew to their home, assuring the three that they will all be on their best behaviour and are looking forward to exploring their beautiful island.

At his words, Ba’s face lights up. “Would you like to take the trail to where you will be staying?” he asks. “We have cars here that could take your things; it is only a fifteen minute hike through mostly easy ground.”

Liam and Niall accept eagerly and the other boys agree after a moment. They pack their things into the trunks of the waiting autos, everyone but Mark piling in and driving away. They follow Ba from the boating area, almost immediately enveloped in trees past the pavement.

The trail is easy enough, Mark and Ba up front discussing different hikes and nearby islands, comparing workout tips and becoming fast friends. Zayn and Harry fall back into conversation with Niall and Liam uses the time to pull Louis to his side.

“What was that I saw with you and Zayn?” he asks in an undertone, trying to keep the jealousy from his voice.

“I don’t know,” Louis whispers back. “He let me doze off on him on the plane and then we were looking out the window and, I don’t know, Li, he just kind of- _sniffed me_? I don’t even know if he realized what he was doing but he didn’t pull away very quickly.”

“You went to him off the boat,” Liam reminds him, placing his hand on Louis’ back with his fingers spread wide, wishing his jumper was thinner so he could feel out the dip at the base of his spine.

“I don’t know, I guess I didn’t notice. Tha’s good, right?” he asks, looking to Liam and inching slightly more into his space as their paces sync up.

“That’s very good, babe,” Liam assures him, rubbing his hand against his back once more before putting some space between them and focusing on the walk.

 

**Harry**

“Most of the islands around here are privately owned,” Ba’s explaining to them as he leads them through the trees.

Harry’s boots were definitely not made for this kind of walking, and he regrets his decision to not slip on his trainers when Mark had given him the chance.

He’s scraping off mud as they near the end of the path, the trees thinning and the dirt slowly being replaced with stones.

“It’s the off-season,” Ba says, “so there are not many people around. There are three nearby cays, all connected to the main island by bridges. Of course, you and your people have the entire chain to yourselves, and most of the surrounding cays are empty at the moment as well, you can see them from your front deck. There are three cabins on the property; one for the staff and myself, one for your team and the largest one for you five. There are enough rooms and bathrooms for all of you, a small outdoor gym and in-ground pool on the patio. There’s also a movie room on the main floor and a game room in the west annex.”

“We’re all in the same house?” Louis calls out from in front of Harry, surprisingly paying attention from where he has been horsing around with Liam.

Ba nods his head and stops walking, turning to face them. He’s standing at what looks to be the mouth of the woods, and Harry can just make out the white walls and bright clay roof tiles of a building over the sight of some impressively large hedges.

“We followed your instructions completely. You five have the main house and the staff members are in a smaller cabin on the back of the property. You can only see it from your roof, which has a special access ladder from the main floor and is the best place to look at the stars. We were told to give you lads the utmost privacy. Our schedules are posted in the main house along with a number to reach each of us at. Anything you need, you can let us know.”

“What if we don’t want to be in the same house anymore?” Louis presses.

Ba’s smile falters only slightly before he changes his expression, recovering. “I’m sure we can sort out acceptable arrangements.”

Harry cuts in before Louis can babble on any further. “That won’t be necessary. We’ll keep to our original itinerary, thank you again for your hospitality.”

Louis opens his mouth but Harry catches his eye first, shaking his head subtly. Surprisingly, Louis seems to listen, closing his mouth and turning back to Ba, smiling softly and shrugging. “Five boys piled together starts to smell after a bit, just want to know where all the exits are,” he jokes.

Ba laughs at him and the air around them relaxes.

It’s this type of moment that Harry has begun to appreciate.

 

**Louis**

Louis follows the other boys out from under the trees, wiping the bottoms of his shoes on the brilliantly green grass before training his eyes on the impressively large villa in front of them.

“This,” Ba announces with a sweeping gesture, “is your home during your stay.”

Louis takes in the white pillars marking the entrance to the property, the main walls a perfect pearl colour with the side walls and accents all in pale blue. There looks to be more window area than actual structure, and the side of the house has an upper deck connected by stairs to the ground. He can just make out the edge of a pool and another balcony running along the back of the house from where they are standing to the side.

“Baggsy biggest room,” he calls, never too far from his childish side.

The other boys laugh at him and shake their heads to Ba in sync- as if in apology- pulled from how they had been staring at the house in awe. They file up the walkway, noting the wood planks painted the same blue as the house leading them to the door and then splitting off in both directions, wrapping around the corners and presumably to the back of the villa.

Niall crowds behind Louis as they approach the door, slipping his arms around Louis’ waist and tugging him back into his chest. “Even more posh than your house, huh?” he asks, his breath tickling his ear.

Louis laughs and leans back against him, Niall’s arm gripping even tighter. Louis’ gut tightens and he looks around on instinct to see if the other boys are still distracted.

No one is paying them attention except Harry, eyes locked on Niall’s forearm pressed tight to Louis’ body. His lips are parted and so very pink, and Louis feels his whole body shiver with the strong _want_ that rolls through him. Niall’s head turns to follow where Louis is looking, and he must see Harry as well because his hand opens up and slips under the soft jumper he’s wearing, scratching his nails along the soft skin he finds there.

Harry’s eyes narrow and seem to grow darker, though Louis is truly too far away to tell. He suddenly feels overwhelmed at the attention and the memories poking at the back of his mind, and he tears away from Niall under the pretence of running for the biggest room.

He can hear Niall’s accented and loud protest but is almost immediately distracted by Liam and Zayn giving chase once they seem to catch on to his plan. Liam pulls ahead quickly as they run up the wide staircase, Louis only _just_ managing to keep Zayn at bay as he crashes into a room at random and flings himself across the bed face first.

He hears laughter from the hallway and turns to look, seeing Liam- flushed pink and smiling so wide- standing in his doorway.

“I called best room, you cheated,” Louis fake pouts, turning back towards the almost full wall of windows on the south-facing wall, propping his chin on his hands and watching the small waves ripple the surface of the sea.

“Something tells me you’ll get over it,” Liam says, proudly and Louis thinks- not for the first time- that he truly created a monster when he broke Liam out of his teenage recluse shell.

He ignores Liam’s laughter in the doorway and also ignores the feeling in his stomach the sound prompts, only getting more difficult to do so when he remembers the way Niall had touched him and the way Harry had reacted after.

 

**Zayn**

They settle into a quasi routine their first few days, Liam and Louis getting up early to go for runs together while Harry and Niall end up sticking to the indoor gym and pool. Zayn sleeps in and does laps in the pool, over-handed strokes like Liam had shown him at the beginning of their friendship.

Since Zayn overcame his aversion, he’s found swimming a soothing activity, the routine strokes calming his mind. He’s able to reflect on his relationships with the other boys, how Louis and Harry haven’t spoken since they landed but keep darting glances at each other when they think no one is watching, or how Liam’s been edging his way back into Zayn’s space until they are almost okay again, their interactions warm if not completely recovered. Zayn knows his boys all love him and each other, but he also knows there are some things that friendships just can’t recover from and fears the night is Boston is one of those things.

He focuses on his laps until he loses count, slowing to a stop near the wall and treading water until his breathing slows. He hooks his elbows over the lip, the concrete rough against his skin, and wipes a hand down his face when he sees Louis hovering in the yard, eyes stuck on Zayn.

He feels his body flush at the attention and smirks, pressing his palms flat to the concrete and hoisting himself up. By the time he flicks his eyes to meet Louis' again, the lad is staring at the ground, a pretty blush high on his cheeks.

"Impressive," he notes sarcastically, his voice rough.

Zayn steps past him to reach his towel, close enough he can almost feel Louis’ body heat. "You'd know."

He thinks he can hear Louis swallow and he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, glancing one more time at Louis' face before dragging his gaze down his body obviously, licking his lips.

"Stop messing me," Louis warns, his cheeks a dark pink against the tan skin.

Zayn shrugs and steps back, turning away. “Don’t know why you think I’m messing, you’re not the only one remembering that night.” Before Louis can say anything, Zayn heads inside, aware of the eyes trained on his back.

He passes Liam in the doorway without a word, knowing he’s seen everything and unsure of what results he really wants from the cat-and-mouse game he’s playing with Louis.

 

**Niall**

Niall is at a complete loss. He knew the vacation was never going to magically fix the underlying issues, but he honestly believed it would have eased the surface tension. While Zayn and Liam are verging on being quite pleasant, Harry and Louis’ interactions have been limited to stilted conversations during writing sessions where each tries to “out-polite” the other as they passive-aggressively insult their ideas.

Niall knows Harry and Louis have the most baggage; they had their own friendship separate from the band for a long time before it faded away, and the fan reactions to their every interaction had caused stress. But they had found a way together again;:the last year had seen them becoming almost closer than before- especially after Louis and Eleanor’s (mostly) amicable breakup.

But Boston had changed things, and Niall knew that. He had been startled awake the next morning by Louis knocking over a suitcase, bare-assed and sleep-rumpled. Louis had looked around guiltily and spotted Harry without noticing Niall awake as well, the youngest lad propped up on his elbow and blatantly watching Louis.

Louis had forced a smile and said, “that was a bit of fun but I should get going, I guess,” and Harry’s face had fallen as Louis walked away.

Niall and the others had tried to talk to Harry and Louis separately in the days after, constant phone calls and Skype sessions when Harry fucked off to LA and Louis tried to disappear in Donny. But neither were interested in hearing the other side to the story, and meeting up in London for the O2 dates solved nothing.

Niall can’t believe that the band is coming to this point so soon. Halfway through their tour, Niall had been riding the highest of highs, already thinking on to the next tour and the one after that. He has a journal full of really great songs and some half-formed ditties, just words on a page until the other boys can read them and breathe life into the missing parts.

He promises himself- sitting out on the front patio and watching the small waves break on the sand one morning- that his boys will all be back together by the time the vacation comes to an end. And he isn’t sharing his notebook with them until they prove they deserve to read them. He loves his lads, but they can be the thickest people in the world when they all think they’re in the right.

He eyes a small boat docked near their walkup, takes in the white and blue design wrapping around a long bow with room to lie out. He stands up quickly, shaking out the stiffness that builds in his knee overnight and doesn’t tend to leave till midday, and heads into the kitchen to dial Ba’s phone.

He’s got an idea.

 

**Liam**

Liam isn’t as excited about the day-trip idea as Niall and Louis seem to be. They’re facing him in his room, pink cheeked and bright eyed, and he knows he can’t say no to them but his mind is racing with all of the things that could go wrong, namely:

1- None of them truly know how to operate a boat

2- Niall and Louis’ plans tend to get him in trouble more often than not

3- The five of them alone in open water is simply begging for Harry and Louis to finally off each other, and

4- _None of them truly know how to operate a boat_

It’s a valid concern; it’s on the list twice.

And that list isn’t even to mention all of the things that can go wrong while on the boat:

1- The afore-listed murder/murder-suicide that would happen five minutes out into the water

2- Man overboard situation and Zayn forgets how Liam taught him to tread water

3- Liam can’t really stand the thought of seeing the other boys in skimpy suits while he can’t touch, and

4- If the boat breaks down while en route, none of them would be able to fix it

Niall waves his hand at Liam’s concerns in the way that only Niall can- judgemental but not all at the same time.

“It’s a motor boat, it isn’t that hard,” he begins to defend himself, Louis chiming in when needed.

“I wouldn’t kill Hazza, Liam, gosh. Why are you being morbid?”

Liam rolls his eyes and smiles softly. “Get Paul to agree and we’ll go.”

Louis and Niall frown in unison, narrowing their eyes.

“This is supposed to be a vacation, why do we need to clear things with mum first?” Louis bitches, slumping in Liam’s bed and burying his face in the pillows.

Liam just smiles wider and shrugs. “Those are my terms. Get Paul’s permission and I won’t say another bad thing about it.”

 

**Zayn**

In Zayn’s opinion, the boat is really just an oversized dinghy. It’s got a small crawl-height cabin below and a gorgeously long bow, but the engine is loud and old-sounding and the steering is peculiar. Only Niall has been able to steer correctly so far, and is currently in the captain’s seat, his sunglasses covering most of his face except his blinding smile as he takes them south in the water towards their destination.

Zayn turns away from Niall, fondness in his chest, staring instead out to the water. He strains his eyes to see how far he can make out but to the west is just endless blue. To the east is a glimpse of Rudder Cat Cay, an island near identical to theirs in composition but about seven times the size. Before they left, Ba had reminded them to keep the boat on the west side of the island chain and turn east when they reach their destination.

Liam’s explaining to Harry that the surface of the water is actually round, which is why they can see the tree line of the island they’re speeding towards and not the beach. Harry is listening to the story with a smile on his face, his arm around Liam’s shoulders and hand absently tracing patterns on his bicep.

Zayn sees Louis look at them and then him but he can’t make out his expression through his glasses. He has a small smile stretching his face and Zayn thinks it’s genuine, hope stirring in his chest that Niall’s thinly veiled attempt at patching up the past may truly be working.

He leans back in his seat, propping his feet on the beer-and-water filled cooler box on the floor in front of him, a second cooler full of sub sandwiches under Louis’ feet.

“What d’ya lads say we drop anchor and swim a bit? Ba said there weren’t anything dangerous around this area,” Niall calls out, loud over the sound of the engine.

They all glance at each other and nod, shouting back to Niall that they’ll stop soon. He eases on the speed and switches places with Zayn, helping Louis get the anchor ready, laying out the rode on the deck and waiting for the boat to stop. They push it out together and lower it gently until Niall signals for Zayn to motor back, which he does carefully.

Their destination still seems far off once they’re finished, but they can just make out the roof of a villa on the beach that they hadn’t been able to see when they set off.

“It’s cause it’s round, that’s why we couldn’t see it until we got closer,” Harry explains proudly, beaming when Liam’s face lights up.

 

**Liam**

They’re stood about the stern, Harry and Niall growing restless first and jumping into the water with glee. They race each other around the boat, Liam egging them on and supporting each one in turns. He watches them from the jump off dock for a moment, basking in the calm before realizing Louis and Zayn have gone back up front. He grabs a round of beer for them and clambers up from the jump-off.

He stops where he is when he catches sight of them, seeing where Louis and Zayn are lying on the bow. Louis’ shirt if off and he’s on his stomach, Zayn propped on an elbow next to him and his free hand running along the smooth, tan skin of Louis’ upper arms. Louis’s sunglasses are on but his smile is radiant like Liam hasn't seen in so long as he leans close to Zayn.

Instead of the jealousy that’s become all too familiar over the last few weeks, Liam feels nothing but a sharp pang of arousal at the sight. He bites his bottom lip hard and sets down the three beers before whipping off his shirt and diving in to the water. He stays under as long as he can- nothing like faux, self-inflicted suffocating to kill a stiffy- and surfaces near Niall, startling the blonde.

“ _Hell_ , Liam,” Niall laughs once he’s over his freight.

Liam joins their races, pushing away the vision of Zayn and Louis wrapped in each other again and focusing instead on winning.

 

**Harry**

They dry off in the sun after their races, Harry reminding all of them to put on sun cream. He watches Niall especially close to make sure the fair-skinned lad listens.

He’s watching Louis apply some to his legs, fingers rubbing along his calves, when the desire to touch grows too overwhelming and Harry has to offer, “I can help if you'd like, Lou."

Louis looks up from where he's slathering sun cream, almost guilty. "I don't need any help."

Harry feels his face fall, and knows he’s flushed from embarrassment as much as from the sun. Louis seems genuinely apologetic when he adds quickly, "no, Haz. I just- I'm done. “Louis looks truly torn, his lip bitten between his teeth but then his face relaxes and he smiles wide. “I could do you though?"

Harry smiles back, feeling his flush burn harder. He turns and presents his back to Louis, trying to not moan as he feels Lou's small hands on his skin. Louis is brisk but thorough, sweeping his palms from Harry's shoulders, down his back and along the waistband of his shorts.

Louis' been rubbing the same circles over his kidneys for a beat too long when Niall pops up, startling them both.

"Wahey, what's going on here, I wonder?"

Louis pulls away and Harry bites down on his protest. He turns to look at Louis, who is looking straight at him for the first time it what feels like years; his guard is down and Harry can read the arousal and fear on his face like a highway sign lit up by headlights.

Niall must know he’s interrupted something serious, because when Harry turns back around, Niall is gone completely.

“I think about kissing you sometimes,” he whispers, hardly loud enough for him to hear his own voice but the sound of Louis’ sharp inhale shows his words have carried.

Louis doesn’t answer and Harry doesn’t say anything else, the two of them lying on their stomachs and staring at each other until they doze off in the sun together.

 

**Niall**

The sun is hovering near the horizon when they rouse and stretch, ready to get to the island for the night. Louis takes over the steering, slowly powering forward until Niall can cleat the line and hoist the anchor, surprised when it comes up almost _too_ easily as Louis puts the boat into gear and takes them away.

Niall watches as Louis fights with the steering wheel, aiming them towards Cuba despite his best efforts to turn. Niall rescues him after a moment, shooing him away with a laugh and receiving a cheeky pinch to his thigh as Louis prances off.

Niall watches him sneak down the ladder to the cuddy below, hardly tall enough even when crouched, and knows he’s looking for Zayn. He gets an image of Zayn and Louis tangling around each other on the bed down there and has to fight back a smile.

Maybe this trip has a better chance of working after all.

He corrects the boat’s direction from where Louis’d led them astray until the on-board controls indicate they are heading east, adjusting a further 18 degrees when he looks up and notices the island is further east-south-east than Ba had indicated.

He’s on course and they are steadily growing closer, more and more of the rocky side of the beach becoming visible, when Louis pops up from the cuddy cabin, begging Niall for another shot.

“Can’t really mess up, now, eh?” he asks with a smile on his face. “We’re only about a mile out.”

Niall laughs and steps aside, letting Louis muck around for a moment before pointing out the different controls. Louis waves him away with another laugh and Niall makes his way to the cooler, grabbing the last beer. A cough behind him makes him turn, and he sees Zayn staring at him, his eyes dark.

“Did you want this one?” he offers, beer in his outstretched hand.

Zayn shakes his head no but doesn’t say anything out-loud and Niall feels Harry drape himself along his back, stumbling slightly under the heavy and warm weight against his sun-soaked skin.

“Looks like he wants to kiss you,” Harry murmurs loud enough for Zayn to hear.

His eyes darken at the words and he steps closer to them, arm reaching out but stopping before he touches Niall’s stomach. “Babe, can I?” he asks and Niall nods quickly, pulling away from Harry and folding himself into Zayn’s arms. He tilts his head back and Zayn fits their lips together, just a soft press of their mouths.

Niall parts his lips but Zayn doesn’t, instead moving to kiss along his cheek and up his temple. He brushes Niall’s hair from his forehead and places one last kiss to the pinked skin there. “Thank you for today,” Zayn says to him. “Thank you for always trying to keep us sane.”

Niall grins wide, chapped skin from the day out pulled tight, and feels Harry’s hand warm on his shoulder. He stays in Zayn’s arms but turns to face Harry, lips puckering for a kiss from him too when the boat gives a sudden lurch and they lose their balance slightly. Zayn’s arms tighten around him reflexively before loosening and turning to look where Louis is cursing at the helm.

The boat has stuttered and the engine is dead, and Niall pulls away from the boys and goes to Louis.

“What happened?” he asks, coming over and trying to start the boat again. It sputters but doesn’t engage, and Niall tries again.

“Don’t know, mate. Maybe it sucked up something?” he suggests.

Zayn, still where Niall left him, makes a faint gagging sound. “What if it was a fish?”

Harry laughs and comes up behind them, settling into Niall’s ‘Captain’s Chair’. He makes as if to pull Louis into his lap but hesitates and Niall feels a rush of pity. So many of the other little tensions would be solved if Louis and Harry would just sort themselves. He makes a mental note to push them together more and tries the boat again.

Miraculously, the engine comes back to life. They give a small cheer and Zayn goes down into the cabin to wake Liam. Louis smiles his thanks and stands behind the controls, swaying with the boat, Niall watching as the backs of his thighs brush against Harry’s knees and Harry’s cheeks get more and more pink.

Leaving them to their own devices, Niall walks around to the bow, sitting so he’s out of Louis’ eyeline and keeping his gaze trained on the island ahead. He’s listening to the soft buzz of the lads’ voices, not able to pick out any words as he scans the vast, empty beach in front of them, taking in the green and brown of the trees where they meet the gold of the sand and scanning left where the rock formations begin, huge stones forming a thick ledge over the sea. He’s half-fantasizing about getting their things into the beach house on this island and showering off all the sun cream that’s got his skin slick when he notices something and sits further up with a start.

“Hey, hold on!” he yells, scrambling to his feet and making his way to Louis. Harry, Liam and Zayn are piling their bottles and packs together, but they stop and watch Niall as he gets nearer.

“What’s the matter?” Liam calls out to him, his face pinched in concern.

“There’s no beach house.”

If anything, they only look more confused at his statement, and they make their way to the helm to look for themselves.

“But, how is that possible?” Louis asks. He lets off the gas and keeps the steering straight, turning to face Niall.

“We set down the anchor when we were right in front, how is this not the right island?” Harry asks.

Niall thinks back to when he had hoisted the anchor, and groans in frustration. “I don’t think it caught. When I lifted it, it came up so easy.”

“And you didn’t think to mention that?” Louis demands, hands on his hips and frustration facing Niall head-on.

“Lou, it isn’t his fault,” Harry tries to reason but Louis shakes his head.

“Don’t defend him,” he snaps at Harry.

Harry seems taken aback, leaning away from Louis and closer to Niall and the look that passes over Louis’ face is hard to read but his tone isn’t: Louis is horribly jealous. Before Niall can really process this discovery- Louis has never needed to be jealous of _anyone_ \- Louis’ already bitching at Harry.

“I see the way you look at him now, Harry. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“Upset that I’m not still moon-eyed over you, you mean?”

Liam steps in between them quickly, a gentle hand on Harry’s chest stilling him and allowing him to centre himself. Harry steps back and goes to Zayn, the two of them speaking low as Liam approaches.

Niall watches Louis with concern, unsure if he’s open for comforting, noting his tight jawline and the flush high on his cheeks.

“It’s not like that with me and Harry,” he starts to say, voice hardly above a whisper, but Louis shakes his head and turns his back further on him, facing the shoreline.

Liam’s hand is gentle where it touches Niall’s arm. “Why don’t you go have a seat?” he suggests. “Let me talk to Lou.”

Niall nods his head in agreement and walks away, settling on the cushioned bench seats. Harry looks at him but doesn’t come sit by him, and Niall doesn’t know why his skin breaks out in gooseflesh and his stomach sinks because of that.

He realizes instantly that Harry was trying to make Louis jealous and, instead of being upset over it, understands completely. Louis isn’t easy to get over, Niall knows that as well as any of them.

Zayn sits next to him, flinging an arm around his neck and tugging him close, not saying a word. Niall watches where Liam and Louis are having a conversation and can see the moment Louis gets completely enraged. His face blanches before dark rouge circles appear on his cheeks. He watches Louis wrench his elbow from Liam’s grasp and turn back to the wheel.

He can feel the acceleration as Louis presses on the gas and continues to steer towards the unknown beach.

 

**Louis**

Louis knows he’s being unreasonable, knows he’s letting his jealousy cloud his judgement, but he doesn’t care. Even at their worst, Zayn and Harry had been on one side of the fights, Liam and Louis had been on the other, and Niall had been able to perfectly balance being in the middle. Seeing Harry's grown closer to Niall and further from Louis hurts. Louis has always been the focus of Harry’s attention, from when they were half in love on the X Factor and living together to when they were at each other's throats when Louis had messed things up after Boston.

He eases from the gas and turns to search for Niall, looking to apologize, when the steering wheel locks up and the boat begins making horrible noises again. Louis curses and tries to regain control of the steering, the boat steadfastly turning to the north before he can get it to stop, hitting all of the buttons at once until the engine finally sputters to a stop.

He’s breathing hard, more than a bit shook up, when he hears footsteps race up behind him. He turns towards them, feeling sick from nerves and slightly high from the adrenaline with an apology fresh on his lips until he sees how angry Harry is. Harry’s face is red, eyes dark and teeth bared with fury.

Louis steps back on instinct, pressing against the controls as Harry shoves into his space.

“Are you utterly and completely useless?” he hisses out, shoving Louis aside bodily and taking a chance at the controls.

“I’m not _useless_ ,” he defends, still feeling a bit dizzy. He’s never been on the receiving end of Harry’s anger like this, has never had Harry use his size advantage against him during anything other than playful moments, and he doesn’t know exactly how to feel.

“Then explain to me how Niall managed to handle things and you’ve completely fucked the boat _twice_.”

Louis feels the words bursting from his mouth before he’s really thought about what he’s saying. “I’d love to know what _you think I did_ to break the bloody boat when _all I did_ was hit the gas and keep the boat straight.”

“Straight towards the _wrong island_ ,” Harry points out sarcastically, yanking the keys from the ignition and flipping every switch to the ‘off’ position.

“I didn’t have anything to do with lowering the anchor; that was all Niall. Or are you only focusing on my faults and forgiving everyone else’s?”

“You’re so fucking stupid, Louis. So self-obsessed and bloody dumb.”

With that, Harry turns his back and storms away towards the other three, who are standing together watching the fight, clearly unwilling to get involved.

Louis grabs the back of the seat in front of him, swaying slightly from his lightheadedness. He’s never heard his voice reach the pitch it does when he barks out a laugh and calls out, “calling _me_ self-obsessed is a right laugh, Harry. Don’t know if you’ve looked in the mirror lately, mate, but you’re the most single-minded, self-absorbed _megalomaniac_ I’ve ever met.”

“You’re the one who’s single-handedly ruining this band, Louis. You’ve been such a complete tit since that night-“

“ _Don’t_ -” Louis interrupts him. “Don’t talk about Boston.” He turns to face the beach again, noticing how close they’d drifted since the engine failed. If he could get past the wave of dizziness clouding his vision he could possibly even jump out here and wade to the shore, anything to get away from Harry’s rage.

“I’ll talk about whatever I want,” Harry’s continuing. “I’ll talk about how selfish you were in Boston, how you took more than you had a right to. How we’d all be fine and wouldn’t even be here, we’d all be able to relax at home if it weren’t for that fact that you were such a needy _slut_ that night.”

Louis closes his eyes, feeling like he’s been slapped across the face and kicked in the gut all at once. He sinks into Niall’s ‘Captain’s Chair’ as he begins to feel faint, his vision clouding even further before he presses his palms too hard to his eyes.

Unbidden, the images come back to him as sharp as ever. Him, kneeling on the floor in front of Liam, sucking him down and moaning around him as Zayn’s hands fist his hair and scratch at his scalp. He sees Harry, pink-lipped and rosy-cheeked, watching from the bed with Niall cuddling into his side, turning to the blonde for a kiss.

He thinks of sweaty skin and wet mouths, feeling drunk off life and high on adrenaline before he’s startled back to the present, Liam kneeling in front of him and taking Louis’ hands between his own, much larger, ones.

He can hear Harry still bitching at him but he’s farther away than before, and Niall and Zayn sound like they’re trying to talk him down.

Liam is talking to him, his words jumbled but tone soothing and Louis focuses his attention on him, trying to pick apart the words. He knows something isn’t right with him but he doesn’t know what it is or how to fix it. He’s scared a bit uncomfortable with not being in control of himself.

“Li,” he croaks out, his face flushing with embarrassment and his eyes heavy from sudden exhaustion. He goes easily when Liam pulls him from the chair, settling into his lap as his arms wrap tight around Louis’ waist. “I can’t stop remembering things,” he admits into Liam’s shoulder.

“I know, Lou. It’s okay to want those things. We all do, I promise.” When Louis shakes his head, Liam smooths his palm down Louis’ spine. “It’s okay, Lou. You’ll be okay, I promise. I’ve got you.”

“Harry hates me now,” he says. He knows he’s being dramatic, knows he isn’t acting rationally. But he’s suddenly _so_ tired, too tired to even care. He lets Liam pet at his hair, running his fingers through the longer strands at the nape of his neck as he holds Louis tight.

“I think you’re sun-sick, Lou,” a voice says from behind him, Liam’s attention caught by someone.

He turns in Liam’s arms to find Niall looking at them, a soft smile on his face. He realizes he can no longer hear Harry and looks around for him. He doesn’t see the curly lad anywhere and tries not to feel disappointed.

“Niall, I’m so sorry,” he starts, but the blonde waves him off with a genuine smile. He’s pulled from Liam’s lap into Niall’s arms, reaching his own out to grip Niall’s waist in a tight hug and trying to fight off a new wave of dizziness. “Is Harry in the cuddy?”

Niall shakes his head and pulls back, his smile fading.

“Where is he then?”

 

**Zayn**

Zayn watches as Harry kicks down the fluke and they both remove their shoes and grab their own packs. He lets Harry jump in first before he looks back to where Liam is still comforting Louis, Niall standing awkwardly between the two separate groups. He tries to smile comfortingly but knows it doesn’t take by the way Niall’s frown grows more pronounced.

“Tell Louis he’s okay for me, yeah? We’ll see him in a bit,” he calls out. He motions to Harry, who’s wading through thigh-deep water towards the shore. “We’re just gonna go cool down. We’ll meet back up in a bit.”

“I’ll get everyone to the beach,” Niall says. “Looks like there’s a trail cut out ‘tween those trees, see it?” When Zayn looks and then nods, Niall continues. “I’ll take them up that trail, I’m sure it leads somewhere. Ba said all of these cays are resorts but unoccupied.” He tries to smile and joke, “maybe we’ll find a bigger house than the one we’re staying in.”

Zayn nods and smiles back. He gives a slight wave before Niall turns to make his way to Liam and Louis, who is no longer curled in on himself and is instead letting Liam hug him tight and soothe him.

He hops down into the water, adjusting the straps on his pack where they tug at his t-shirt before hurrying to reach where Harry is already on sand, waiting for him.

They keep their bags on and slide into their shoes, making their way along the beach, keeping the tree line to their right and the boat to their left. The sand gives way to rocks quickly, jagged on the edges and worn smooth on top.

Zayn waits for Harry to speak and stays silent when he doesn’t, the only sounds other than their footsteps and increasingly heavier breathing are the sounds of the water hitting the rocks and the birds singing in the trees. Harry turns sharply to the right and Zayn hesitates for only a second, turning around to catch a last glimpse of the boat but it’s already around the curve of the island from where they are.

He lets out a sigh and turns back to Harry, rushing ahead so he can fall in step with him, reaching his hand out and tangling their fingers together.

 

**Liam**

Liam watches Louis with concern, the older boy gathering up his pack before sitting on the end of the jump-off and pushing into the waist high water into Niall’s arms. He watches them wade together towards the beach, Niall’s arm tight under Louis’ armpits to keep him steady.

He turns back to the helm from where he’s stood, muttering to himself, “There’s gotta be a distress signal we can send out.”

The onboard radio doesn’t seem to be transmitting, and he doesn’t want to risk catching the attention of the Coast Guard or other military body by transmitting an SOS or shooting off a flare. He decides instead to leave things be, knowing their team will look for them when they don’t return. They may have drifted, but their section of the island chain is in a specific pattern. Once Paul and Ba set out to look for them, they’ll see their boat immediately and come to shore for them. He can’t do anything to rush it, and decides it may actually work out for the best.

He shoulders his pack and heads toward where the other two boys are on the shore already, their bags placed near where a trail leads.

“I think I’m going to follow after them, make sure Harry’s come down a bit,” Niall says once Liam hits the sand. “You gonna be okay with Liam, Lou?”

Liam watches as Louis bites his bottom lip and nods, trying to look okay. His face is still pale under his slight sunburn, but Liam thinks most of that has to do with heat exhaustion rather than the words Harry had said.

“We’re going to follow the trail, find some shade and fresh water for Louis,” Liam decides. Louis shoots him a grateful smile and Liam feels himself foolishly puff up with pride. He knows he’s being silly, but Louis has never let himself be taken care of as much as he has since Boston. While Liam would give up almost anything to have been able to rewrite the aftermath of that show, he’s glad Louis feels safe coming to him when he needs someone.

Niall nods and gives Louis a quick hug, pressing a kiss to his temple before clapping Liam on the shoulder and setting off in the direction they had seen Harry and Zayn walk.

“Head hurts,” Louis whimpers, raising his palm to his forehead. “M’cold too.”

Liam replaces Louis’ hand with his and bites his lip. Louis’ dry and cool to the touch despite the humidity; he’s obviously feeling the effects from being in the sun all day.

“You’re dehydrated, Louis. If I go back to the boat, will you sit right here in the shade and wait for me?”

Louis nods, acquiescent in his sick state.

Liam doesn’t know if he’s ever rushed so fast in his life. He pushes through the water as quickly as he can and hoists himself onto the boat. There’s no water bottles left in the cooler but he grabs it anyway and hurries back to the beach.

Louis is sitting where Liam left him, watching him through heavy eyes. “Hurts,” he says.

Liam sets the cooler next to them and grabs an ice chip. “Eat this, and we’ll go find water, okay?”

Louis pouts but nods, grabbing the ice from him and letting it melt in his mouth. He grabs another piece without Liam prompting and they both stand up, Louis leaning against him. They make their way down the trail, Liam listening for sounds of water and carrying the cooler awkwardly in front of him, his arms straining at the awkward size and shape. He wants to be able to open it whenever Louis needs a new piece, though, so he stays silent and keeps moving forward.

 

**Niall**

Niall finds them after a lengthy walk, following a trail he finds in the trees. Harry and Zayn are settled on the floor with their backs against a wooden fence, and he plops down next to Zayn, motioning to Harry with a questioning look. Zayn just shrugs and rubs his hand along Harry’s spine, clearly trying to sooth him.

“Haz, come back to the beach with us. Let’s just talk things out,” Zayn says.

“You didn’t have to follow me,” he snaps, still clearly on edge. His voice is hoarse and Niall can tell he’s been raking his hands through his hair from how wild and tangled it is. “I don’t need a referee and I don’t need a judge. If either of you are going to be either of those things, I’d rather be alone right now.”

Zayn snorts unattractively and slides his arm lower so it settles around Harry’s waist, pulling the boy closer into his side. “Shut up, babe,” he says, kissing Harry’s temple lightly, letting his nose brush the spot his lips had after.

Harry sighs and leans his head on Zayn’s shoulder, the tension easing out of him in an obvious way. Niall reaches his hand across Zayn’s lap and Harry takes it easily, his long fingers wrapping around Niall’s palm.

They sit like that in silence for several long moments, just listening to the birds.

“It’s my fault about the anchor, H,” Niall finally says, squeezing Harry’s hand. “I didn’t check it and when I raised it, I noticed something was wrong but I didn’t make the connection.”

“I know,” is all he gets in return.

Niall begins to grow restless waiting for Harry to speak again but knows from experience that pushing him towards a response will typically only lead to further resistance. Finally, after his feet have grown numb and he’s beginning to grow cold through his body from the shade after a day in the sun, Harry sighs again and sits up.

“I said some pretty awful things to Louis, didn’t I?” he asks softly, not quite meeting their eyes.

Niall shrugs and nods, answering truthfully, “yeah, you kind of did.”

“I didn’t mean any of them, though. Not really.”

“We know that,” Zayn cuts in, standing up and offering Harry a hand.

“Everyone knows you didn’t mean them, Haz,” Niall says as Zayn helps him to his feet as well. He stumbles a second and winces at the pins and needles in his feet as they regain their feeling. He shakes it off and they start walking back towards the beach, towards their boys.

 

**Harry**

“I don’t know how to talk about that night with him. I always end up insulting him.”

It’s the first time he’s admitted it even to himself, the fact that he’s lost the connection he and Louis used to share.

“Maybe don’t then. Not just yet,” Niall suggests.

“It’s killing me though. I can’t get him off my mind; I can’t get any of you off my mind.”

“We feel the same, Haz,” Zayn says, reaching out a hand to touch his arm comfortingly.

Harry shrugs him away, irrationally annoyed like he had been earlier. “You don’t though. You couldn’t possibly feel the same.”

He stops walking and waits for them to turn to face him. He drags his hands through his hair in frustration. “I’m so consumed with it that I can’t think of anything else. I’m losing my focus and letting the band fall apart all because I’m so obsessed with one night. Meanwhile, you two could carry on as if nothing ever happened and I’m sitting alone, moon-eyed over my best mates, two of whom aren’t even talking to me and spend every second together.”

The other two are silent in front of him and he suddenly stops talking, a new thought occurring to him. He can’t believe he hasn’t considered it before but now he can’t focus on anything else. He turns to the water, not sure how to put into words what he’s thinking.

“Louis and Liam-” he starts. “Do you think they still- do you think they’re...?”

Niall says, ‘no, of course not’ at the same time Zayn says, ‘sometimes, I think so’ and Harry spins to look at them both.

Zayn‘s the focus of both of their attentions now and he shrugs, kicking a rock with his toe in frustration. “I walked in on them once in Dublin. It was after the first show and they seemed kind of, I don’t know, chummy. They both came out with us to the pub after and I saw them go in their own rooms that night, but I think they might have done if I hadn’t interrupted them.”

Harry bites his lip and doesn’t know why he feels aroused at the thought of Liam and Louis together at the same time he feels saddened by the realization that it was without the rest of them.

“I don’t think Liam would do anything without the rest of us though?” Zayn supplies, trying to be helpful. The way his voice lilts at the end of his statement turns it more into a question and Harry can’t handle the fragile tone of his voice.

“So you think Louis would, just to be spiteful,” he challenges, purposefully deadpan to convey the complete belief in his words.

Niall’s voice is weary and worn thin when he cuts in with, “that’s not what he said, Harry. You know Lou wouldn’t do that just to be spiteful. Louis’ loved you since the beginning and everyone can see it but you.”

“Didn’t love me enough to stay the next morning, I guess.”

Harry sees the exact moment when Niall gets fed up, and doesn’t move when he storms past him. He and Zayn just fall into step and walk behind him, letting him take his anger out on the sand.

 

**Louis**

He’s feeling steadily sicker with each passing step and ends up refusing the ice chips point-blank when he gets too nauseous to continue. He can hear the worry in Liam’s voice but can’t make out the words, his head filled with a dull throb and his eyes feeling sore.

“Liam, I don’t feel good,” he manages before he’s on his hands and knees, dry heaving on the hard-packed dirt ground.

He can feel Liam’s hand on the back of his neck and moans in relief when ice is placed there instead after a second. He coughs and his stomach rolls again and again until he’s crying from the exhaustion and can finally lean back to wipe his mouth.

Liam tugs his hand away and presses a cold cloth to his face instead. It takes Louis a moment to realize he’s put ice in his shirt and is pressing it to Louis’ forehead and mouth in turns. He feels another wave of nausea and barely manages to pull back before he’s bringing up nothing, his beer and the bite of Niall’s sandwich he’d had earlier already gone. Liam is warm and soothing next to him and Louis will be forever grateful once he stops chucking up water and air.

He lets Liam help him up once the nausea is gone, unable to focus on his words but glad he can hear them. He thinks he hears the word ‘water’ and an ice chip is placed on his tongue again. He doesn’t want to chew it but does want to keep the edge of panic out of Liam’s voice so he obediently crunches into it and opens for another when it’s gone.

His vision is blurry from his headache and tears, but he can see when the dirt underfoot turns into springy grass and can just hear the sound of water. He feels Liam pull them to a stop and cooperates as the younger man removes his shoes and shorts for him, helping him step into the stream after.

He cups his hands and brings the cool water to his mouth out of instinct, pleased when Liam’s voice sounds encouraging in his ear. After he’s had about twenty handfuls of water, he stops despite Liam encouraging him to continue.

“I can’t,” he mumbles, tongue thick in his mouth and unsure if his words are coming out correctly. “Liam, I’m gonna be sick again if I have any more.”

Liam stays quiet beside him despite his reservations, and Louis leans on his shoulder. After a few minutes, he opens his eyes and blinks several times when he realizes his blurry vision has mostly gone. His headache is still present but the dull throbbing is gone, morphing instead into a bit of pressure near his temples. He feels less confused and turns to thank Liam, seeing Niall come into their clearing at the same time.

He smiles wide at the blonde boy, trying to get up to hug him but feeling dizzy when he does so. Niall shakes his head and comes closer and Liam grips his waist and sets him back in the water.

“Stay there, Lou. We have to get your temp back down. You scared us a bit back there.”

Louis feels guilt over Niall’s words, never wants to make his boys worry. He can feel another wave of nausea hit him before he can say anything however, scrambling out of Liam’s grasp and coughing up most of the water onto the grassy bank.

The hands rubbing his back feel too large to be Liam’s, and when he looks up he sees Harry on his knees next to him, a startled look on his face.

“Hazza, I’m sorry,” he croaks out, his voice rough.

“Shh, Lou, shut up,” Harry mumbles, stroking his lower back soothingly.

Louis nods, knowing Harry is usually right, and tries to fight down another wave of nausea, proven unsuccessful when he starts gagging again.

 

**Zayn**

Zayn has seen each one of his boys sick, hungover or both at the same time. But Louis looks so small on all fours, his back heaving as he coughs up nothing over and over again, and it scares him.

Harry must feel the same way, because he’s pulling himself from Zayn’s side and is on the ground next to Louis in a flash, concern on his face as he tries to comfort Louis.

“How long has he been like this?” Harry demands, facing Liam but staying where he’s knelt in the dirt.

“We noticed he was a bit sun-sick after you left the boat, but he wasn’t this bad when I left to find you guys,” Niall says from the water.

Zayn knows it was the wrong answer as soon as Harry reflexively makes to stand, remembering at the last moment Louis sick at his side. The dry heaves have settled but the whimpers Louis is making are almost worse. Zayn goes to Harry and helps get Louis undressed the rest of the way and into the cool water.

Harry, even after having taken a breath and moment to think, is still formidable when his voice lowers and he hisses out, “you two _knew_ he was sick and you _didn’t tell me_?”

“What would you have done?” Niall argues. “You’re not a _doctor_ , Haz. Liam took care of him, he’ll be okay. We just need to get him to keep some water down and he’ll be okay. He gets sun-sick a lot.”

“I should have been told,” Harry insists.

Zayn tunes out their bickering and focuses on Louis. While he still seems pale, his shudders have calmed considerably. He drinks water slowly when Zayn cups his hands and brings them to his lips, trying to keep track. When he think he’s had a couple glasses worth, he stops and lets Louis’ stomach adjust while he pours water over his head, trying to cool him down. Harry seems to notice what he’s doing and helps, getting his hair wet and keeping a cool hand on his neck. Louis is coherent enough, thanking them both and trying to smile even though it’s clear he’s utterly exhausted.

When Zayn’s timed out five minutes, he nods to Harry and lets him bring water to Louis’ mouth carefully, stopping him again after another few handfuls.

Louis’ colour is returning to normal and smile looks genuine enough as he settles into Zayn’s chest.

“Sorry for all the trouble,” he jokes. Zayn pinches him but the other boys just shake their heads.

“Always overdramatic, Tommo. Scared Hazza half to death,” Niall says.

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry mumbles, smiling at Louis, a pink blush pretty on his sun-gold skin.

Zayn gets a flashback of that tan sliding along Niall’s pale skin, the two boys rubbing off against each other as the others watched. He shakes the memory away quickly, focusing on the moment at hand. Louis cups his hands and brings the water to his lips by himself, so Zayn pulls away and gathers his clothes.

“There’s a house about a half-mile from here,” he says. “We got off the trail by mistake and stumbled upon it. Doesn’t look like anyone’s in it right now but it’ll be good to get inside after today, get Louis somewhere to lay down.”

They all agree and climb out of the water. Louis doesn’t let anyone help him redress, pouting until they all turn away and only allowing them to look when he has his pants and shirt back on. Zayn watches him shove his bare feet into his shoes, not bothering to put his swim trunks back on, and feels a rush of affection for the foolish boy he’s always admired.

“C’mere babe,” he says, and Louis comes to him automatically.

They pile together for a hug and Niall offers to give Louis a piggy back ride to the house. Never one to turn down being carried, Louis readily agrees and lets Liam take his bag for him as they set off. Harry walks a step behind Niall, keeping his eye on Louis perched on his back, and Zayn and Liam walk in line behind them.

He startles when he feels Liam brush a hand against his but quickly turns so their palms are pressed together. He bites down his smile and sees Liam doing the same from the corner of his vision.

 

**Niall**

Niall ignores the twinge in his knee as he hoists Louis up from where he's slipping. He knows any of the other boys would trade with him, but he likes making Louis happy, doesn’t want to mess up Harry's back and- from the quick glance he threw over his shoulder- really doesn't want to interrupt the moment Zayn and Liam seem to be having. So he ignores the slight pain and keeps up a running chatter with Louis about Derby's chances this year, distracting both of them from the things they'd rather not think about.

They get to the house quickly and Louis scrambles to his feet, swaying slightly but shaking off Niall and Harry when they try to settle him.

"M'fine, let a lad breath," he jokes, and Niall can see the pinched look return to Harry's face.

He braces himself for Harry's mothering tendency to launch him into a lecture about Louis taking care of himself but is surprised and concerned when he stays quiet instead. Louis seems surprised as well and almost disappointed, but then he turns back towards the house and the moment is gone.

The house is almost underwhelming when compared to the vacation home they’re renting. The non-descript brown and white siding make the building look like a cookie-cutter house found in subdivisions, and though the house itself looks clean and quaint, the garden is overrun with weeds and tall grass.

Niall starts when he feels Zayn’s hand settle on his back, nudging him forward. They make their way up the dirt path to the door, and Liam knocks perfunctorily before trying the handle. It opens easily and they file in, their eyes picking out the interior with the low sunlight filtering through dirty curtains. Niall and Liam open the windows in the main room, their handprints left in dust wherever they touch.

Louis races into the back of the bungalow, crowing when he finds a bed and bath. Harry and Liam start poking around the kitchen, announcing when they find a pantry stocked with non-perishables. Niall makes to follow them but Zayn’s hand reaches for him again and he stops.

“How’s your knee, babe?” Zayn asks, pointedly staring. Niall realizes he’s been limping slightly and he starts to walk again, willing his leg to relax into his normal walking pattern.

“S’jus a little sore from the walking, I’ll be okay.”

Zayn just raises his eyebrows, waiting until Niall sighs and relents. “Okay, okay. I’ll sit down and keep my weight off it, yeah? Just help me find something to prop it up on.”

Harry and Liam start dusting down the kitchen and Louis comes out from the bathroom.

“Ya feeling better then, Tommo?” Niall asks.

“Yes, _Neil_ , I don’t think I’m dehydrated anymore. Jus’ a little tired. Whassa matter with you though?”

“You broke his knee,” Zayn teases, helping Niall arrange his foot on the arm of the lumpy sofa.

Niall hisses at Zayn to shut up but the damage is done. Louis’ face falls fast from its grin, and he dives onto the couch next to Niall, tucking his head under his chin and keeping away from his knee.

“Louis, m’fine. Just need to put it up for a mo’, don’t worry.”

Louis just settles further into him, ignoring the springs that must be poking into his side.

“Guess I’m doing the bedroom myself then,” Zayn says wryly, leaving them to cuddle on the couch.

 

**Liam**

Liam’s just finished dusting his side of the kitchen, a large bay window open and allowing a warm breeze to circulate through the house, when he sees Louis come in, hair and clothes deliciously rumpled from his cat nap with Niall.

“Is there anything I can help with?”

He stops himself from saying something lewd when he sees the genuine concern on Louis' face. He lifts his arm in invitation instead and Louis curls into his side quickly, the two of them making their way to the pantry.

"Why don't you find some things for us to eat later?  I'm sure you're hungry after being so sick. "

Louis makes a face and nods, stepping closer to inspect the choices. There's cans of dry soup mix, some fruit and unopened cereal boxes.  Louis digs father back and Liam feels someone step close behind him. He leans back and feels Harry's broad chest press against his bare skin.

Harry’s arm snakes around his waist. "He seems to be feeling better,” he comments against Liam's ear, his tone dry and slightly sharp.

Liam watches as Louis steps onto the bottom shelf to explore the top, his shout muffled whet his head is buried in the back. He emerges with a jar of peanut butter in his fist, eyes bright.

"And there's a ton of baby food up there, snacks and cheerios and such. No biscuits but there's some crackers for the peanut butter. "

Liam feels awful when he says, “I don't know, Lou. We shouldn't have any of that unless we get some water from that stream. "

Louis' face falls for a moment but he nods his understanding and Liam feels such a rush of affection he sucks in a breath.

Harry's arm tightens around his waist at his inhale and Louis’ gaze drops to where they’re touching. If Liam didn’t know any better, he wouldn’t have noticed the brief expression on Louis’ face. As it is, he’s able to see it but can’t interpret it; it’s gone just too soon.

Louis’ voice saying _I can’t stop remembering_ plays on a loop in his head.

Louis grabs a bag of trail mix and slides past them, giving Liam a small smile but avoiding Harry’s eyes. “Gonna go feed Irish,” he murmurs and then he’s gone, leaving Liam still tight in Harry’s arms, standing in the open doorway to the pantry.

He pats Harry’s arm amicably and steps away. He’s got a quick errand to run for his boys.

 

**Harry**

Harry knows that he and Louis have a lot more to work out, that his concern when Louis was sick isn’t enough to forget their recent behaviour towards each other. But from the way Louis had gone pliant in Harry’s arms and the way he had looked at him, Harry had thought the sickness would have been a catalyst to fixing them.

Louis is being cordial, offering to help clean now that he’s feeling better, but when Harry tells him to go relax because he’s had a rough day; he swears he sees a flash of anger in Louis’ eyes. With a purse of his lips and utter silence, Louis goes to the bedroom and Harry can hear him and Zayn laughing a moment later.

 _‘Stupid, stupid,”_ he berates himself, mind whirling at the speed of sound, realizing Louis’ offer to help had been a bit of a white flag and Harry dismissing him had probably come off rude.

He finishes the kitchen as best he can without running water, setting out a couple cans of fruit and boxes of cereal when he’s done. He checks his watch, noting that Liam had rushed out almost twenty minutes before. He’s feeling a twinge of worry when he comes in through the side door, face sweaty and pink, the cooler box clutched in his arms.

“What’s that?” Harry asks.

“Went and got water from the stream for us,” Liam answers with a shrug, sliding the cooler next to the sink.

At that moment, the other three boys come in together and Louis stops short in the doorway.

“You went and got water?” he repeats.

Liam flushes deeper if possible and tries to shrug it off again.

Louis’ voice is small when he asks, “for me?”

Harry feels his gut clench when he realizes Liam got Louis water so Louis could have peanut butter. _He_ should have thought of that, and then Louis would be looking at _him_ the way he’s now looking at Liam. Liam though, always a saint and the best man Harry’s ever known, Liam’s the one who thought of it.

He’s shaking his head when Harry turns away, saying “we needed it anyway, talking to you just made me remember.”

He’s staring at Louis’ face when a bright, wide smile fights its way to the surface. He doesn’t watch when Louis walks out of his sight line- presumably to thank Liam. Instead he goes to the pantry and grabs the jar of peanut butter and a sleeve of crackers. He figures Louis can dip the crackers or even some dry cereal but knows Louis will most likely just use his finger.

When he comes out, Louis’ watching him with another unreadable look on his face. He sees the crackers and gives Harry his own wide smile, coming up to him.

“Thanks, Hazza.”

 

**Zayn**

They turn in shortly after they finish eating. Liam, Harry and Zayn categorically refuse to take the bed, instead setting up Louis and Niall.

Lou’s practically asleep on his feet, his movements sluggish and eyes closed. Zayn laughs at him but helps to tuck him into Niall’s side, the blonde’s leg propped on some extra blankets folded for height.

He can hear Liam and Harry in the kitchen, using new rags and a bit of the stream water to clean up after dinner. He leans forward where Louis is already snuffling in his sleep, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. He’s relieved to feel a slight layer of sweat on his forehead, the dehydration obviously passed.

He looks up at Niall as he pulls away, and the boy already has his hand reaching out, fisting in the collar of Zayn’s ratty t-shirt and pulling him in close for a kiss, softer than even the one they’d shared on the boat.

“Love you,” Niall whispers.

Zayn’s heard them all say they loved him more times than he could ever count, but nothing beats the sound of those words, no matter the context.

“Love you, too. Now go to sleep.”

Niall tries to laugh at him but he passes out too quickly, slipping into sleep between one breath and the next.

He comes out of the room, stepping over the makeshift bed of blankets and pillows they’d built on the floor for the rest of them. Liam’s just settling onto the couch as he catches sight of him and he makes a quick decision to join him.

“That was nice- what you did today for Tommo,” he begins.

“We needed water,” Liam says, almost indignantly. He has every right, also, as they teased him mercilessly through their faux-dinner.

“I know, babe. You did good.”

Liam nods and crosses his arms over his chest like he does when he thinks the conversation should be over.

“Don’t tell me you wouldn’t fly to the moon and back for him, Li.”

Liam actually sputters on nothing, staring at him as though he’s grown an extra head.

“I’d do anything for any single one of you, you know that!” Liam insists, getting annoyed.

Zayn looks Liam in the eyes calmly and settles a hand on his elbow heavily, smiling. “I know.”

And he does know. He used to know it without thinking, for a while he doubted it, but now Zayn knows that any of the boys would do anything he asked of them, no matter if they were fighting or not.

“I never apologized to you for being an utter knob,” he says, oversimplifying his actions as usual. He’s about to correct himself- has been genuinely trying to apologize and doesn’t want Liam to think he’s insincere- when Liam’s hand finds his and tangles their fingers together.

“I’m sorry, too,” he says.

Zayn stares where their hands are linked, suddenly realizing how much he’s missed touching Liam and looks up, meeting his brown eyes.

Liam smiles wide and leans in. Zayn knows what’s happening about a second before it actually does, their lips meeting in a familiar fashion.

He’d kept it slow with Niall earlier, but now he crowds Liam back into the couch, tucking his knees under himself and pushing into Liam’s space even farther. Their mouths open in sync, Zayn’s tongue licking into his mouth and tracing the edge of his teeth.

Liam bites Zayn’s bottom lip when he pulls back and Zayn whimpers, shifting further so he’s straddling Liam’s lap, knees tight to Liam’s hips.

“Missed this,” he whispers before claiming Liam’s lips in a kiss again.

 

**Niall**

Niall wakes in the middle of the night when Louis shifts in the bed, jostling his knee unintentionally. He’s about to complain anyway- might as well take a golden opportunity to give Tommo some hell- when he realizes that Louis’ back is to him and he’s shifted closer to make room for Harry on the other side.

Niall tries to even out his breaths, not wanting to disturb them from their conversation. They’re talking in half-whispers, most of their words breathed out between the two of them and Niall can only hear a bit of it. There’s an _‘I’m sorry_ ’ from Louis and Harry both several times and a lot of muted giggles and Niall feels happier than he has in a long time as he drifts back to sleep.

 

**Louis**

When Louis wakes in morning, sandwiched between Niall along his front and Harry against his back, he notices three things very quickly.

The first is that it is horribly bright in the room with no shutters on the recently brushed clean windows. The strong morning light casts beams across the floor, and dust can be seen floating in the air.

The second is that he is very hard, his morning wood pressed unforgivably to Niall’s thigh.

The third is that Harry and Niall are both hard as well, and are completely asleep.

He tries to disentangle himself from the boys but it’s a slow process, not wanting to wake either of them. When he’s finally scooted enough to sit in an upright position, he gingerly stands up on the bed and crosses over their arms, slipping off the edge and heading to the en suite. He has to dodge where Liam and Zayn are spooned together in a pile of blankets and pillows before he reaches the door.

So, _that’s_ a new development,

He stands for a moment to look at them, their hands resting together on Liam’s stomach, Zayn’s face buried between Liam’s shoulder blades. They’re absolutely beautiful and he feels a surge of affection.

He grabs a towel from the bathroom cupboard and makes his way back through the bedroom and into the hallway. He reaches the kitchen and finds the icebox quickly, the water inside already room temperature. He wets the corner of the towel and runs it along his face and chest, wiping away the sweat formed from the temperature and close sleeping quarters.

He thinks back to Harry’s face when he’d begrudgingly asked if he could share the bed, as the floor was too hard for his back. Louis hadn’t even hesitated, scooting closer to Niall and making room for Harry. They’d talked briefly, both of them tired from the day and tired from their fights. Harry had kissed his cheek softly before shifting back slightly, the space between them finally devoid of tension.

He’s just finished wiping himself down, his erection flagging and mostly soft, when Liam comes stumbling in. Louis should have known he’d be the next one up, always an early riser even when they’re on vacation. Liam grabs a box of cereal for them to share dry and he takes a dry corner of the towel when Louis offers, wiping himself down in much the same manner.

They take the box through the house and out into the back garden they had only seen briefly the night before. Louis grabs a handful of the cereal before stepping further into the space, noting an empty grassy area to his left and a seating area to his right. There’s a fire pit in the middle of four wicker benches, and they make their way to it, sharing a seat once they find one.

Louis curls into Liam’s side as always, noting how well he fits with each of the lads in different ways. Liam is solid and strong and moulds himself to Louis, letting his arm wrap around his shoulders and lifting his chin so Louis can rest his head on his sternum.

“Looks like you had a good night,” Louis teases. He’s looking away from Liam’s face but can sense the grin and imagine the blush when Liam shrugs and kisses the back of his head.

“You’re one to talk, having Haz and Niall in bed together. Zayn and I were shocked when we came in and saw it,”

“Harry’s back hurt him; I wasn’t going to turn him away!”

Liam just hums at him. “I’m happy, Louis.”

Louis does pull back then, turning his face to meet Liam’s eyes. “I think I’m happy, too. Payno, I think we’re going to be happy for a while yet.”

 

**Harry**

Harry wakes up in the morning alone in the room. He rolls onto his back and stretches contentedly, his arms above his head and his back arching until he feels his joints release. He lays on his back for a moment, listening to the bird sounds floating throughout the house. He thinks he hears the boys in the kitchen and he smiles, remembering how open Louis’ face had been the night before when he’d climbed in next to him.

He thinks they’ve maybe finally made some progress and can move forward. He doesn’t know if their night in Boston would ever happen again, but he’d willingly live with the torturous memories than break up the band.

He rolls out from bed and stretches again once his bare feet hit the wooden floor.

He interrupts a conversation when he comes into the kitchen, but instead of the side-looks and stilted smiles he’s recently grown used to, there’s nothing but bright eyes and genuine grins to greet him. He sees a box of cereal being passed around and grabs a handful when it gets to him.

“What’s the plan, gents?” he asks before he tilts his head back and tosses half of the cereal into his mouth. He winces reflexively at the dryness but smiles anyway when he looks around their pow wow.

“I say we stick near the stream or the beach for when they come for us,” Niall suggests, opening a bag of dried fruit and popping some into his mouth. “They’ll see the boat where it’s at and come looking for us. We’ll be close enough to hear them shout but not in direct sunlight.

They all shrug, the plan reasonable enough.

“Don’t think we need to worry about them coming, anyway,” Liam says matter-of-factly. “Paul gave his okay for this excursion, when we don’t return this evening like planned, they’ll come find us. Even with drifting, I don’t think we could have gone that far.”

Louis adds, “Plus, I looked at some maps with mum before we left, it seems like our island chains form a distinct curve, there aren’t a lot of other islands on the west side.”

“Look at you, Geography whiz. Your teacher didn’t know what he was talking about,” Harry teases. He’s frozen once he’s realized what he said, how he slipped right back into his playful banter with the boys.

Zayn laughs first, a sharp cackle that takes him by surprise. Niall’s and Liam’s giggles follow soon after and finally Harry looks to Louis, whose mouth is hanging open slightly, dumbfounded.

“Your _face_ , Lou,” Niall laughs.

Harry finds himself chortling, a nervous buzz of energy flowing through him as he waits for Louis to respond.

Finally, _finally_ , Louis’ face is flushed and he’s laughing so hard he sits down heavy on the ground, wheezing soon from the rush.

They laugh together for several minutes, the tension they had all been living with for months gone and replaced with a sweet happy sensation.

They stop shortly, Niall on the floor, curled into Louis’ chest and Zayn with both arms wrapped around Harry’s waist, the two of them hanging off of each other. He’s happy, flying high from the weight being lifted from his shoulders, and he uses that drunk and giddy feeling to propel him forward, fitting his lips to Zayn’s and fisting a hand in his dark hair.

Zayn opens up to him without hesitation, their tongues sliding together and filling the sudden silence with the slick sound of their mouths. Harry feels a hand at his back and pulls away slowly, pressing closed-mouth kisses to his lips before he turns to see Niall now standing and looking up at him.

“Can I cut in?” he teases, Irish drawl thick and eyes dark. Harry takes his hand from Zayn’s hair and moves to kiss Niall as well, his fingers slipping under Niall’s shirt and brushing against his stomach as their lips meet for the first time since Boston.

It’s like being submerged in a warm bath, soothing and familiar and Harry doesn’t realize that the sounds he hears aren’t even from him until he pulls back and looks around, whimpering at the sight of Liam pinning Louis to the counter, their mouths already swollen and pink from the force of their kisses and sharp edges of their teeth.

Zayn kisses along the edge of Harry’s jaw, meeting Niall’s lips. Harry’s never in his life been so content with being the only person in the room not actively kissing or being kissed. He slips away from Niall and Zayn, wrapped around each other so tight only their skin tones distinguish where one ends and the other begins.

He touches Louis first, tentative on the shoulder, before his other hand raises and he lays it on Liam’s back. They pull apart with a soft sound and a moment of Liam biting Louis’ bottom lip, before turning to look at him in sync.

He’s never wanted anything more.

 

**Liam**

Liam doesn’t know what happens next, can’t pinpoint the exact moment they shift, kisses turning more purposeful, touches more intense. He’s vaguely aware he’s being pulled into the bedroom, Harry’s lips on his and large hands pushing his sleep shirt up and over his head.

He settles onto the bed when pushed, Zayn dropping to the floor in front of him and tugging his bottoms and pants down in one. Zayn rests his hands on Liam’s thighs and Liam… he feels _so_ _much_ all at once, a rush of heat through his veins as he looks down into Zayn’s warm eyes and runs his fingers through the soft curls around his ears.

“I’ve missed this,” Zayn breathes out before leaning in a licking at the tip of Liam’s cock.

Liam gasps and clenches his fists, inadvertently pinching and tugging at the lock of hair still in his grasp. Zayn doesn’t even flinch, just takes one hand from Liam’s thigh to grip his cock and angle the head into his mouth, flattening his tongue against it and pulling away when Liam moans loud and low.

“Never been with a boy so responsive,” he mumbles, lips slick against the head again, and Liam can hear a muffled groan behind him but can’t pull away from Zayn’s gaze long enough to investigate who it came from. “Always so wet, no one gets as wet for me as you do, Liam.”

Liam rolls his hips up at that, trying to get Zayn to take his cock again, missing the heat of his mouth already. He hears a giggle from the other side of the bed and feels a warm, bare chest press against him. He breaks eye contact with Zayn, letting his head fall back onto Harry’s shoulder and finding the boy’s lips easily.

He bites at Harry’s lips, slight gentle nips that grow sharper and more desperate. Harry’s fingers find his jaw, brushing along the thick scruff and keeping their mouths aligned. Zayn’s taken his head back between his lips, curling his tongue on the underside and sucking lightly, and Liam can hardly focus on anything other than the two boys completely overwhelming his senses but he can feel the bed moving from Louis and Niall and suddenly feels desperate to see.

He makes a sound against Harry’s mouth that is somehow understood because they break apart from each other and Harry leans back so Liam can see where Louis is straddling Niall’s hips, the blonde’s head resting against the pillows and Louis’ mouth sucking a bruise into his neck.

Liam’s hips roll forward and he slips into Zayn’s mouth further, catching him off-guard. Zayn pulls back quickly but makes a reassuring sound when Liam snaps his attention back to his face, an apology already half-formed on his lips.

“It’s good, babe,” he reassures, getting to his feet gracefully. Liam whines gently at the loss of contact, playing up his pout. Zayn just smiles at him, running his thumb against Liam’s lower lip. He nods and gives Harry a look and then Liam is guided onto his back, his head on the pillow next to Niall’s and his legs spread wantonly.

All the boys are naked except Zayn, and Liam watches with hooded eyes as he quickly shucks his clothes off into a pile on the floor. He climbs onto the bed and crawls over to Liam, settling between his thighs like the space was made for his slim hips and narrow waist.

Liam smiles up at him, feeling the flush on his cheeks at the intense stare Zayn levels him. He reaches up to palm Zayn’s cheeks, feels soft lips where Zayn kisses his palm.

 

**Niall**

Niall watches Liam focus on Zayn above him, sees the pink on his cheeks at being the sole focus of Zayn’s attention. “Liam, c’mere,” he encourages, watching Liam turn to face him on command, so pliant for them.

They inch closer together until their lips meet, the awkward angle keeping the kiss wet and open. Louis’ mouth is low on Niall’s stomach now, tongue flicking against the thin trail of hair below his belly button. The back of Harry’s hand brushes against his nipples and he gasps against Liam’s mouth even as he arches up, trying to chase the sensation.

“Team work, Haz?” Louis suggests, a smile clear in his voice. Harry chuckles and leans in, his broad tongue licking a stripe and Niall could handle it, could keep himself completely composed, if not for the fact that Louis takes him into his mouth at the same moment, sucking hard at the head and pulling off to fist his length, smoothing his foreskin back and exposing the glans for his tongue to trace a pattern along. Overwhelmed, Niall moans and tosses his head back against the pillow, his hips rolling forward and his spine arching, chasing the dual sensations.

“Shit,” he mumbles, feeling Liam crowd closer to him and reattach their lips. He’s panting steadily into Liam’s mouth as Louis takes him in again, Harry’s hands pinching his nipples in time with his breath.

“Wish we had lube,” he hears Zayn say from where he’s grinding his hips against Liam’s. Liam pulls back at the words and smiles up at Zayn, and Niall’s breath catches sharp in his chest at the visual dancing behind his eyes.

“Yeah, cheers for that t’ought,” he moans, his accent thick on his tongue.

Louis moves up, claiming his free mouth with Liam now distracted, his hand still pumping Niall’s length. His calves are tight against Niall’s thighs and Niall’s cock is spit-slick and rubbing against Louis’ when he angles his hips down.

“Gonna fuck me when we get back, Ni?” Louis teases, grinding down harder in his lap and removing his hand, propping himself up with his fingers flat against Niall’s chest. Harry pinches Niall’s nipple one last time, a sharp twist that leaves him breathless, before he leans in and kisses Niall again so he can’t answer.

“Missed the feeling of you inside of me, think about it all the time,” Louis continues, and Niall blindly reaches for his hips, squeezing once before trailing his palms until the meatiest part of Louis’ thighs are under his hands and he can squeeze again, over and over as Louis rocks down onto him and Harry teases his tongue along Niall’s top teeth.

He opens his eyes when Harry pulls back, watching as he leans to the side to kiss Liam, their lips pink and puffy already. He focuses back on Louis in time to watch a shit-eating grin stretch his lips as he looks at Liam and Harry, and Niall instantly wants Louis’ attention back on him. He smacks his thigh lightly, nothing more than a swat, but Louis tenses and stops moving, his eyes darting back to Niall’s and his fist coming up to grip the base of his cock.

“That get you hot?” Niall asks, surprised and voice low. When Louis glares at him and doesn’t answer, Niall moves his hands to Louis’ arse, one palm smacking lightly before squeezing sweetly.

“You’re one to talk, _daddy_ ,” Louis sneers, jolting at the smack and rolling his hips down.

Niall doesn’t even try to hide how much that turns him on, squeezing and kneading Louis’ bum as he guides his hips up and down until Louis is bouncing in his lap as if he was riding Niall’s cock.

 

**Zayn**

“Daddy?” Zayn asks, a laugh caught in his throat as Liam rocks his hips up, his abs clenching as he wraps his legs tighter around Zayn’s waist.

“Feck off,” Niall bites back, clearly unconcerned.

Zayn fists a hand in Harry’s curls, pulling him away from Liam’s neck and admiring the bruise left behind for the length of time it takes until they’re kissing.

Harry is someone Zayn has always found easy to fall into, and kissing him is no different. He uses his broad shoulders and thick arms to keep Zayn steady, takes his weight into his chest and uses his hands on Zayn’s hips to keep his rhythm going.

Liam’s falling apart underneath him, his hands alternating between scratching at Zayn’s chest and fisting his own hair when Harry seems to take pity on him and closes his fingers around Zayn and Liam at once, Liam’s slick thick and plenty enough for him to jack them off together. Zayn sucks his bottom lip into his mouth as he rides out the feeling, Liam’s foreskin adding another level of sensation.

“He’s _so_ wet,” Harry says in awe, and Zayn nods, trying desperately to hold on. Harry must sense this, because he grips tighter and flicks his thumb over Liam first to gather up his slick, spreading it along the head of Zayn’s cock when he brushes it next.

Zayn throws his head back, focus narrowing down to three things: the needy sounds Louis and Niall are making next to him, Liam’s muscled thighs gripping his waist and Harry’s wet hand  pumping him steadily. He chases the feeling building deep in his belly, clenching in his gut, before flowing throughout his body quickly, Harry’s mouth the only thing stopping him from shouting as he comes over Liam’s dick and Harry’s hand.

He’s shaking as he finishes, the culmination of every frustrated night since Boston catching up to him and rendering him almost completely useless. He’s panting as he continues to fuck mindlessly against Liam, wanting the other boy to get off, too.

It’s soon too much, though, and he slows his hips before pulling away and surging forward to kiss Liam dirty and wet as Harry takes his place between Liam’s thighs.

 

**Louis**

Louis is losing his mind on Niall’s dick, thighs burning as he bounces in his lap and hands gripping Niall’s thighs behind him, using the leverage to grind down harder.

His chest is flushed and breathing ragged as he watches Zayn settle on his back between Niall and Liam. He feels Zayn’s fingers snake around Niall’s cock, feels it when Niall’s head is suddenly pressing steadily against his rim, just the barest tease of a stretch.

Their moans twist together in the air, Niall coming unexpected and wet against his skin as he takes a hand from Niall’s thigh and strokes his dick fast and tight, little grunts filling the air until he comes in thick lines against Niall’s lower belly.

Niall’s accent is heavy as he mutters somewhat senselessly, surging forward and knocking Zayn’s hand away in the process as he kisses Louis.

He can’t contain his laugh, giddy after orgasm, and he kisses Niall back between chuckles, pulling away only when he hears Liam begin to curse under his breath. He presses his cheek to Niall’s, both of them watching where Harry’s coming against Liam’s dick, spreading the slick around and continuing to jack Liam off until they’re both spent.

“Glad I didn’t miss that,” he says with a smile, catching Harry’s eyes when the boy looks up. He motions for Harry to come closer and grabs his hand, bringing it to his mouth and tasting his fingers, aware of the four sets of eyes trained on his tongue.

“Show-off,” Liam mutters, clearly half-asleep from his orgasm. Louis just laughs and lets the hand fall away from his face, shifting out of the way so Zayn can get off the bed and bring back a damp towel for them all to clean off with. Louis makes grabby hands for Zayn as soon as they’re done and they press tight against each other, the other boys fitting themselves around them and all five drifting off quickly.

 

**Liam**

After their impromptu group nap, they all rouse and clean up the cabin behind themselves, making their way back to the stream for water, Liam paying the closest attention to Louis for any signs he’s still dehydrated or unwell.

“I’m fine, mate,” Louis scolds him once he realizes his focus.

Liam smiles at him and shrugs. “I feel responsible, I guess. I’ve been taking care of you since Boston; it’s hard to stop now.”

“Who took care of you, though?” Louis asks, almost sad.

“You did, idiot,” Liam laughs, wrapping his arm around Louis’ waist and pulling him in closer. Their lips meet, sweet and soft, and they open for each other’s tongues right away.

“Bit too soon for me boys.”

Harry’s slow drawl breaks them apart, and Liam looks to where he’s smiling wide.

“You’re the youngest here,” Louis scoffs. “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be ready to go if I offered.”

Harry just sticks his tongue out at them and splashes a bit and it isn’t long until all five boys are playing in the water. Louis climbs onto Harry’s shoulders and challenges Zayn and Niall to a game of chicken, fingers tight in Harry’s curls until the match begins.

Liam’s mouth goes dry as he watches Louis’ thick thighs tight against Harry’s cheeks. He doesn’t fare any better when he looks where Zayn has Niall hoisted on his shoulders, dark fingers pressed deep into pale skin.

This band is going to be the death of him.

 

**Harry**

Harry keeps Louis by his side for the rest of the afternoon, even drags him away from the others once they reach the beach, leading him to the rocky ledges he’d seen with Zayn the day before.

“It’s beautiful here,” Louis says with a sigh, legs dangling over the side where they’re sat.

“ _You’re_ beautiful,” Harry replies, completely earnest even when Louis laughs and shoves him gently. He turns, tucking one leg under himself so he can face Louis directly. “I mean it, Lou. I was so out of line on the boat yesterday. I should never have called anyone a slut, let alone _you_. You’re not, you could never be.”

“Hazza, we’re okay, I promise,” Louis says, looking at him before turning back to the water.

Though Harry feels he is being sincere, he knows he still hurt Louis and hates that.

“Besides,” Louis continues before Harry can, still looking at the water, “I think I owe you an apology first. I acted like Boston didn’t mean anything because I just couldn’t bear to lose you guys. After El, I didn’t want to let my stupid compulsive tendencies muck anything else up.”

“You didn’t say things were bad with you and Eleanor,” Harry says, trying desperately to recall anything Louis might have said that indicated things were less-than-amicable between the exes.

“Things weren’t necessarily _bad_ ,” Louis admits, his hands fidgeting in his lap. Harry wraps one big hand around them and squeezes to reassure. “It was just… _so few_ people understand what this whole whirlwind is like for us and losing one of those people… it just sucks, I guess. I don’t want to lose you boys. I don’t want to be the reason Zayn or Liam ever look the way they did when their relationships ended. I couldn’t bear it.”

Harry bites his lip and studies Louis’ face while he speaks, the earnestness evident in the tone of his voice and set of his jaw. He smiles when Louis is done, hoping to reassure him. Louis smiles softly back after a moment, rolling his eyes and tugging on his hands that Harry is still holding, pulling him closer until their lips slide together, slick and soft.

“Love you, Louis,” he says as he pulls away. “Always loved you all so much. Thought I was losing my mind after Boston. I had a taste of what I wanted and I… it was like I had been drowning and finally had a sip of water. I’ve been half in love with all of you for five years and I always thought I could never do anything about it. I wasn’t happy when you ended things with Eleanor, I promise I wasn’t,” Harry rushes to assert. Louis smiles as if he understands and Harry continues, “but the morning after Boston, I woke up and had all of you next to me and I just couldn’t believe how lucky I was.”

“And then I ruined it with my big mouth,” Louis says, sad. “I pretended I didn’t remember half and acted like the other half was just for laughs. I’m sorry, Haz.”

“You didn’t know how I felt,” Harry excuses.

Louis shakes his head and lifts a hand to press against Harry’s lips and keep him quiet. “I knew how _I_ felt. I knew I was in love with you- in love with all of you. I was scared and a coward and I’m sorry.”

Harry puckers his lips against Louis’ finger and mumbles, “I forgive you.”

“And I forgive you.”

“Can we go back to the other boys and recreate _From Here to Eternity_ now?” Harry asks with a cheeky grin.

Louis laughs, head tilted back and smiling wide. “Sand in weird places, I don’t know,” he says, pinching Harry’s nipple through his shirt.

Harry doesn’t even flinch, glad to see their easy camaraderie coming back. He just rubs over the sore spot and stands, tugging Louis to his feet.

 

**Zayn**

Harry and Louis come back hand-in-hand and Zayn feels nothing but contented happiness from where he’s lying in Niall’s arms. Liam’s out by the boat, tinkering around with something-or-another in the motor and seemingly accomplishing nothing from the way he smacks the water with his fist.

He stretches slightly, arching his back against Niall’s chest with a teasing roll of his hips. “You’d think he’d just wait for Mark to come looking for us. They know when we left, and what time did you say we’d be back this morning? I’m sure they’re already looking for us.”

Niall shifts against him lazily. “I’m sure they found the note by now.”

“What note?” Harry asks as he and Louis settle next to them, Louis leaning in to greet them both with a kiss.

Zayn nips at his lips teasingly but Louis pulls back without retaliating.

“What note?” Harry repeats, sounding annoyed at being ignored.

“Liam would only go if Paul said yes, so I figured it’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask permission. I left a note in the kitchen and told Ba not to tell.”

Louis chortles, full-bellied and high-pitched. “Liam’s gonna kill you! Oh my gods, Niall!”

Harry chuckles and even Zayn lets out a giggle. Louis gets up and wades out to Liam. At first Zayn thinks he’s gonna try to help- _how_ , he has no idea- until Louis presses against Liam’s back, hands sliding obviously down his chest and under the cover of the water.

“Insatiable,” Harry laughs, resting his curly head against Zayn’s knee.

He smiles down at him, obliging the pout he gets when Harry butts his leg, wanting his hair played with. He tangles his fingers in the curls and tries to avoid all of the knots.

The three of them doze off like that, protected by the shade and the sun cream Harry insisted they put on after they got out of the stream.

They wake up when Louis and Liam return, Louis shaking his wet hair out like a dog and spraying them with it. Zayn’s crabby from being woke but settles when he sees their smiles.

“Are we rescued?” Harry stirs from his knee.

“Actually, yes,” Liam smiles, helping Harry stand and giving him a sweet kiss.

“They’re here?”

“We saw a boat approaching, and then saw it was Mark and Paul. I’m pretty sure Paul’s pissed already, guess seeing Liam suck me on the bow assured him we’re all safe so the worry is passed and it’s time for the wrath.”

“Oh joy,” Zayn drawls. They grab their packs and the cooler, and sit closer to the water washing along the sand, watching as the boat comes closer.

“What do we tell everyone?” Niall asks, burying his hands in the sand next to him and looking at the boys with open curiosity on his face.

“Paul and Jarvis will be easy to clarify the truth. _‘It isn’t just Louis and I fooling around_ ’,” Liam mocks. “ _‘I’m actually quite comfortable sucking all of them’._ ”

“Not the time to put those images in me head,” Niall complains, his forehead dropping to rest against Louis’ shoulder.

Zayn pinches Liam’s thigh but laughs, letting him link their fingers together.

“I’m pretty sure our friends already suspect,” Harry adds. “At least mine do, I’ve been moon-eyed over you lot for years.”

Louis wraps his arm around Harry’s waist and shuffles closer.

“Not sure how mum will take it,” Liam worries. “But I want to do this right. Want to tell her, want to bring you guys home for holidays and birthdays.”

“Don’t have to woo us, _Leeyum_ ,” Zayn chastises. “We’re pretty much all yours, you know.”

“I like the wooing part too,” Liam pouts. Zayn leans in and pecks his lips, the overwhelming amount of fondness he’s always felt for Liam shifting into something different now that he knows he’s allowed whatever he wants.

“We should tell the important people,” Louis decides. “Everyone else can guess if they want. As long as we’re comfortable with it, our families will be. And our friends won’t care. I love you boys, I don’t want to live through the last couple months again.”

Zayn nods his agreement, yawning into Liam’s chest as the boat gets close enough. He stands and brushes the sand off himself.

“Let’s go write a kick-ass album,” he says.

“And see how many references to orgies we can slip in before anyone notices,” Niall supplies.

Liam frowns and Zayn’s pretty sure he’s never seen anything cuter.

“I’ve got a couple love songs in mind, too Liam,” Niall adds and Liam answers with a sweet smile.

 _Yeah_ , Zayn thinks. _We can do this._

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi: [tumblr](http://sa-voix.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thanks to the moderators, who put up with my horrendous habit of not responding to emails and kept this ship running smoothly, unlike Louis in this story.


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